Silence is violence.

I want to get it out of my system that I am a rotton human being. I am incredibly selfish. I am two-faced, irritable, dishonest, jealous and impatient. Everyday I am tested in circumstances to see if I will counter-attack these nasty qualities, and most of the time I fail. But I will continue to fight with the strength of God to resist my flesh. Pray for me that I can.

One of the bad things about always following your heart and not your head is that you are easily swayed by how you feel. Lately I have been feeling unmotivated and havn't been going course simply because I don't feel like it. At MTC, the staff actually care if you are absent or late from class which is not really a good thing for me in this case. I don't know why all of a sudden I don't want to go class. I think one of the reasons is because everyday you have to use a lot of heart and put a lot of thought into what you are being told and for me it's draining, mentally, spiritually and sometimes physically. I think it's just something I will have to get use to though. I hope I will find the motivation soon.

All pessimism aside, I got a student loan for MTC (and I'm dreading having to pay this back!) but I am so very thankful to God for coming through for me and providing in my time of need.
It's been 3 and a 1/2 weeks since I decided to not eat meat. I have tripped up a couple of times, but other than that it hasn't been difficult. If I didn't love seafood, I would have given it up already and become an ovo-lacto vegetarian, but it is too hard for me. I think seafood is incredible and there was never a passion in my heart against the killing of sea creatures for consumption (obviously I do not condone or eat such creatures like whale or dolphin who are killed cruelly for their meat and blubber). Who knows, maybe my mind will change in time!
I miss by best girlfriends Ling and Anja, who will be in other parts of the country for a long time.
I also met a boy this week, and he's incredibly lovely. I don't know if lovely can be said about a boy, but he is. I like that he's shy and keeps his head down and how he's one of those rare boys that actually asks about you. It's a really needed and nice change from all those egotistic, sex driven, insecure and angry little boys out there. A part of me wants to hit my head on the table and tell myself to not be so naive and stupid like I was with my previous fling, but another part of me is getting butterflies and smiling thinking about him. I havn't had those butterflies in a long, long time. Nostalgia.

Also, the band Verse is amazing.

"I will no longer sway with the willows.

I will stand strong on my own.
When everyone lets me down,
I will stand strong alone.”

Hundredth - Willows

Another one.

If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
For real? I would pray about it cause I know a selfish and scared part of me would want to get an abortion straightaway.

Do you trust all of your friends?
Sadly, no.

Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
Yes, if I really, truly loved that person and he's the one. And, if God says yes.

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
Yes I do! I'm a big believer of that.

Can you make a dollar in change right now?
I don't get itttt.

Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
Umm, Sam Zaia for some reason hahaha.

Are you afraid of falling in love?
I guess you could say that. I'm a little afraid of letting the walls around my heart down.

Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
Yeah all the time haha. It's random people most of the time too.

Whats your most favorite scar?
I don't have a favourite scar haha.

When was the last time you flew in a plane?
Feburary 13 this year, flying back from China to New Zealand =[

What did the last text message you sent say?
'Are you with Jack?'

What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
Eyes and smile ;]

What features do you find least attractive in the preferred sex?
Feet I guess, haha.

Fill in the blank. I love:
Music, loyal friends, nature, God, tea.

What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
Find a job! And save up for my tattoo and a plane ticket to another country =]

If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
My mum and my little sister Sarah.

How many kids do you want to have?
I'm so afraid of having kids but I guess that normally comes with people my age. If I ever were to have kids I would want two and that's it. One boy and one girl =]

Would you make a good parent?
Eek I wouldn't think so! I think I'm too selfish but also over protective. I know this because I look after my sister the most and it teaches me alot about myself.

Where was your default picture taken?
In Hala's room in Hamilton.

Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
Car and transport problems for tomorrow. It always fustrates me! =/

If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
I wouldn't choose to because I've learnt alot from my mistakes, but for the questions sake probably not having a friends with benefits relatinship with someone.

Who was or will be the maid of honor/ best man in your wedding?
Maid of honour would be my best friend Anja of course! <3

What are you wearing right now?
A grey singlit and grey acid washed jeans.

Favorite animal?
Wolves! Or whales. Both are badass!

Have you had the chicken pox?
Yee, when I was little. Sucked so bad haha.

Have you had a sore throat?
Yep! That's not fun either haha.

Ever had a bar fight?
Aw heck no, that's too dramatic for me.

Who knows you the best?
Anja or Sarah. =]

Ever been in a fight with your pet?
Haha I've had a disagreement if that counts? I took my dog on a walk at the park one afternoon and when I sat down it kept pulling on the leash and would not let go, probably because it wanted to roam free and not sit down with me. So I just let him go and he was obedient and nice after that haha!

Been to Mexico?
Nope, it would be rad though!

Did you buy something today?
No siree, stayed home awl day.

Did you get sick today?
Nope, I'm a toughie.

Do you miss someone today?
Yes, Jayesh! I was talking to him on chat tonite and I realised we havn't hung out in ages. But I'm seeing him tomorrow hopefully =D

Do you have a fight with someone today?
No, which is always good haha.

When is the last time you had a massage?
Around a month ago at my mum's friend's beauty clinic.

Last person to lay in your bed?
That would be Sarah.

Last person to see you cry?
Hmm...that would be Kate at church.

Who made you cry?
I think it may have been a boy =[

What was the last TV show you watched?
Friends of course!

What are your plans for the weekend?
Tomorrow I am hopefully going to a friend's 20th. Saturday I will hopefully be going to a hardcore gig at Zeal. And Sunday I am making a vegetarian dinner with Taylor. In between I will be doing assingments. Whatever happens, I hope it's a good weekend anyhow =]

Who was the last person you hung out with?
Aw it was a big group of people last night. Ashley, Josiah, Jack, Suren etc...all those people are so wonderful!

If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
I don't have a significant other...which is good! Boys are a little distracting I must say.

Bored. Here comes the surveys!

What is your favorite color?
Black.

What is your favorite stone or gem?
I don't have a favourite, but I think they're all very pretty.

What is your favorite brand name?
I don't have one.

What is your favorite shampoo & conditioner?
Anything by Sunsilk.

What is your favorite body wash?
Anything that smells good and is good for my skin. Probably Aveeno bodywash =]

What is your favorite lotion?
Same as above!

What is your favorite sent or perfume?
The best perfume I had was Britney Spears - Fantasy. It smells like candyfloss. Mmm!

What is your favorite electronic?
My laptop or an ipod.

What is your favorite song?
It changes all the time! But right now it would be The Breaker's Commission by For Today. Amazing blessing of a song.

What is your favorite movie?
Lords of Dogtown...duh ;]

What is your favorite T.V show?
Friends for life!

What are your favorite pair of shoes?
It would have to be my tan wedges at the moment. You can dress them up or down, they're the right height and they're comfortable to walk in.

Who is your favorite cartoon character?
Homer Simpson! He is halarious.

Who is your favorite entertainer?
Will Ferrell can get me in a good mood anytime.

What is your favorite sport?
My favourite sport to play would be hockey and my favourite sport to watch would be rugby.

What is your favorite kind of car?
Anything old school.

What is your favorite drink?
Oh that's hard to choose. It would be between soy milk and creaming soda at the moment.

What is your favorite snack?
Cheese and crackers =D

What is your favorite fruit?
Avocado <3

What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
This long bronze necklace with a long tooth at the end of it. It's not mine but I wear it all the time.

What is your favorite accessory?
My phone.

What is your favorite place to visit?
I'm going to cheat and say either beach, bushwalk or lake or river, or this lookout in Manukau where there is a beautiful view of Auckland and all its lights. If you took me to any of them it would make me happy!

What is your favorite State?
New York.

What is your favorite city?
My favourite city I've been to would be Macau in China. Fabulous in every way.

What is your favorite theme park?
Easy! Ocean Park in Hong Kong. Rides, animals, a huge underground fish tank, a dolphin show. It's amazing.

What is your favorite hotel?
I don't have one...oh well, there is this lodge in Ngongotaha which is really quaint and comfy if that counts.

What is your favorite clothes store?
A good op shop!

What is your favorite shoe store?
Novo have some pretty shoes but I also like Vans.

What is your favorite restaurant?
La Porchetta - very good Italian for cheap!

What is your favorite fast food spot?
Probably Wendys.

What is your favorite book/magazine?
Book would be Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, magazine would be Cosmopolitan ;]

What is your favorite type of gum?
P.K all day.

What is your favorite brand of toothpaste?
I don't have one. But Colgate is usually what I use.

What is your favorite kind of toothbrush?
Haha I don't know.

What is your favorite brand of mouthwash?
Same answer as above.

What is your favorite season?
That's easy! Winter =D hot drinks, layers of warm clothes, rain...yes please!

What is your favorite day of the week?
Friday, gotta get down on Friday.

What is your favorite thing to do when celebrating your birthday?
Go to a nice dinner with my closest friends.

What is your favorite when your bored?
Listen to music or surf the internet.

What is your favorite thing to do when you can't sleep?
Listen to music and fantasize.

What is your favorite way to get revenge?
Forgive and love!

What is your favorite thing that makes you smile?
Jayesh always puts a smile on my dial =]

What is your favorite word to say?
Mean!

What is your favorite way to wear your hair?
Just natural.

What is your favorite nail color?
'Vixen' by Revlon, which is a dark crimson colour.

What is your favorite t-shirt & jeans?
I don't have a favourite t-shirt. My favourite jeans would be my classic dark blue skinny leg jeans from Just Jeans!

What is your favorite ice breaker in a conversation?
So, what do you do for a living?

What is your favorite way to get attention?
Ignoring them! Haha no that wouldn't be it. Probably just trying to have a good time and laughing lots.

What is your favorite thing about yourself?
That I am a follower of Christ! Sounds cheesy but it is what makes my life really fantastic.