I woke up this morning to find out that my favourite band Underoath have decided to disband and are doing a farewell tour the very next week. My first thoughts were disbelief, because they have been together for 15 years and is one of the very few bands that actually means something to me. They quite literally saved my life and changed me for the better.
When I was 14, I was battling with something very internal that no one knew about except my best friend. I was struggling with depression from the physical, mental and sexual abuse that had happened to me as a child and were still happening. Because I was raised in a religious Christian home and environment, I thought that it was abnormal for me to be feeling like this. I shut out the world, and I remember days when I would close my curtains shut, sleep and never want to wake up. I remember this time, after I had been out with friends, I came home and bent down and all fours and started crying for no apparent reason. I just wanted to go Home.
Those days in the dark when I felt like there was no hope left, when I felt extremely suicidal, when I felt so alone and when I was distant from God, Underoath was my consolation. Their album 'Define The Great Line' guided me back into the light in my depression and helped me cling onto that thin thread of hope with all my might even when I felt all was lost. Underoath's music made me believe that I could make it through this battle and win. Their music made me believe there was still beauty in life. Their music made me believe that what I was feeling didn't isolate me, it made me human. Most of all, Underoath made me believe that there was still hope and that you gotta fight through the bad times to get to the good. As a 14 year old, for music to say, 'You are not alone' had the biggest impact on me. Not only did they help me through depression (from which I am now healed from!), they opened up for me the world of hardcore and metalcore music. Underoath helped build my love for music for which I am ever thankful.
So, they weren't just a band to me, a band that didn't mean anything or had little impact. They saved me, gave me hope in the darkest time of my life, led me back to God and ultimately began the healing in my heart. I am so grateful that I got to see them twice (they are mind blowing live) and even got to meet them. You have no idea how hysterical and excited I was to meet them! I started hyperventilating and I blubbered to each of the band members, half in excitement and half in tears, telling them how they saved me and gushing the 'I am your biggest fan' line.
I am not going to cry and be sad that Underoath's time is over - I am going to smile because I was blessed to know them and become just one of the millions of fans impacted and changed forever by their music.
