Contemplating whether or not it's worth it to forgive someone who has hurt me, at the risk of being hurt by them again...

"And when my weakness is all I can give, Your gentle Spirit gives me strength again."

Currently listening to: Leeland - Beautiful Lord

Just Be Yourself

To be who you are is to be enough
To share who you are is to share enough
To do what you love is to do enough
There is no race to win and nothing to be proven
Only dreams to be nurtured,
a self to be expressed
and love to be shared
Never doubt your worth and always know without any doubt
that you are truly valued.

Anon

Currently listening to: Lisa Mitchell - Valium

What makes a woman beautiful?
For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others;
for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness;
for a slim figure, share your food with the hungry;
for beautiful hair, let a child run their hands through it;

and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

Audrey Hepburn

Currently listening to: David Guetta - Missing You (Feat. Novel)

The men in my life are super average.
I wish it didn't hurt me this much.
Somewhere beautiful to get lost in would be nice right now.

Currently listening to: Lydia - This Is Twice Now

Amelie

I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love...with the French movie Amelie.

Some quotes I like:
The newstand woman: A woman without love wilts like a flower without sun.

Seller in the porno shop: These are hard times for dreamers.

Narrator: Nino is late. Amelie can only see two explanations:
1 - he didn't get the photo.
2 - before he could assemble it, a gang of bank robbers took him hostage. The cops gave chase. They got away... but he caused a crash. When he came to, he'd lost his memory. An ex-con picked him up, mistook him for a fugitive, and shipped him to Istanbul. There he met some Afghan raiders who too him to steal some Russian warheads. But their truck hit a mine in Tajikistan. He survived, took to the hills, and became a Mujaheddin. Amelie refuses to get upset for a guy who'll eat borscht all his life in a hat like a tea cozy.

Narrator: Amelie has a strange feeling of absolute harmony. It's a perfect moment. A soft light, a scent in the air, the quiet murmur of the city. A surge of love, an urge to help mankind overcomes her.

Neighbor: Do you believe in miracles?
Amelie: Not today.

Amelie: [to her father, who is not paying attention] I had two heart attacks, an abortion, did crack... while I was pregnant. Other than that, I'm fine.

Watch it if you love everything French or like unconventional films or have any sense of humour.

'The reason why we fear to step out is because we know that it might not go well. We have a history of wounds screaming at us to play it safe. We feel so deeply that if it doesn't go well, if we are not received well, their reaction becomes the verdict on our lives...That is why we can only risk stepping out when we are resting in the love of God. When we have receieved his verdict on our lives- that we are chosen, dearly loved and captivating...then we are free to offer. We are to follow Jesus' steps of entrusting oneself to God, regardless of the response.

²¹To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. ²²He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth. ²³When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.'
1 Peter 2:21-23

Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

Currently listening to: Damien Rice - Cold Water

Edie Sedgewick

The more I live, the more I realise what's important in life. Cliche maybe, but it's helping me overcome my illness like nothing has before.
I want to help people. I want to encourage them and make them smile and laugh with them, because when they are uplifted it ultimately uplifts me too. It brings meaning into my life. It brings me hope and joy and pleases God. It's a feeling like no other, the feeling you get when you live for others and not for yourself.

I have been crazy thinking about my future seeing as there are 12 weeks left of school...forever. How 10 years has passed by so quickly, I'm not even sure. It seems like yesterday I was looking at myself in the mirror, hair pulled back tight in a ponytail, white socks pulled up to my knees, taking deep breaths and wondering in the car if I was going to make it through high school. I was terrified that it would be too hard for me. Look at me now, finishing high school, doing better than I would have ever expected. How I have changed within those 5 challanging years.
I actually have my next year all planned out, but I am freaking out because I'm worried that it won't work out, that some plans will fail and I won't get where I want to be. It has taught me to completely give it to God, and to let his wisdom and guidance lead me where He wants me to be. It is a strangley amazing feeling, to be skeptical but trusting and excited and determined all at once. Maybe kind of like how one would feel about to do a sky dive or bungy jump.

Also, I just finished watching Factory Girl which I personally think was a fascinating and amazing movie. It's about 60's icon Edie Sedgewick and her relationship with Andy Warhol and his infamous factory, which inevitably leads to her drug overdose at the age of 28. She was such a beautiful charming star and it was quite a shame to see her spiral downwards like that. I thought it was edgy at first, but seeing how much she messed up her life put me back into reality and has made me even more determined to make my life count for something. In the making of it, the director said he wanted to make this film to essentially teach people that before you find love, you've got to find yourself and know who you are. Such a powerful message.

Edie Sedgewick

So that's what's happening in my side of town. Content, yes :)

This morning, I feel proud of myself. Mostly because these past few weeks I have been surrounded by temptation to drink with my friends but because of God I have been able to say no and finally respect myself and this incredible life He has given me. It feels good not waking up with a hangover, regrets and alcohol still in my system!

This morning, I am thankful for the friends my God has given me in my life. I'm sure He doesn't give us the friends we want in life, but the friends we need- to make us, break us and mould us into the people we were meant to be. I'm lucky to have friends who make me feel loved and who give me support when I need it.

This morning, I don't have a man in my life, but I have God and He is all I need.

This morning, I woke up warm, sheltered from the rain, breathing and satisfied knowing that I have food waiting for me downstairs. I am more privileged in this aspect than millions of people who woke up this morning cold, with no roof over their heads, struggling to breath and hungry.

It has been a good morning! I am so thankful for this life.

Currently listening to: Confide - This I Believe