2009

Where do I start?
Well firstly this year has gone by soo fast it's crazy. It feels like I was celebrating the new year of 2009 just yesterday.

This year I've been going forward and back in my life alot. I've been doing things I know I shouldn't, and I've been doing things that make me realise what life is all about.

I've learnt a lot of things.
I've learnt that although you do something you know is bad and it may be fulfilling at that time, in the long run it's really not. And although you may grow wiser from it, there are consequences to be dealt with in the end aswell.
I've learnt to value my family, my friends and my God, even though throughout this year I have been neglecting them.
I've learnt to let beauty radiate from the inside out even more so than last year. And it's hard, especially in this world we live in today, where you're only beautiful because you look it, not because you really are.
I've learnt that my heart is a fierce one, full of passion and affection. And because of that I've been running around everywhere trying to fill that void to be romanced, and I didn't turn to God until I was completely walled in. Now I know to be patient and remain in Him until I find the right man He has in store for me.
I've learnt that sacrifice is not easy, but in the end you are more blessed and more fulfilled. When you commit your life to God, things really do work out.
I've learnt even more so that God is mysterious and really funny. Just when you've given up hope and your patience is running low, He does something amazing and unimaginable.
I've learnt time and time again this year that it's not about me. It never was. I want my life to be Christ-centered and others-centered, and only a little me-centered.
Lastly, I've learnt to forgive and to let go, amoung many other things.

I'm still learning things, aswell.
I'm learning to love my skin, literally. I have ezcema, and I have alot of scars because I had it since I was little. It hurts me emotionlly more than people might think. I don't choose to wear skin revealing things, so when I see the freedom people have to do so, I feel a little disadvantaged. However, I know that this skin keeps me modest and dependant on God and on the inner me, not how I look physically.
I'm learning to love myself. Though I wish many things, I'm a work in progress; a lump of clay being moulded, a diamond being polished, a piece of gold in the furnace.
I'm learning to let God in my life and make Him number one, not my 'if all else fails' to run to guy, but the person I will talk to at the beginning and end of everything.
I'm learning to love the people in my life and cherish them. Because although sometimes I may not think it, but they are really amazing people I wouldn't trade the world for.

I feel like the mood of this blog is quite melancholy, I guess it's not really the right time for me to write this. But this year, I've had a lot of ups and downs, twists and turns, good times and bad times...the experiences I've had, I wouldn't trade for anything. If anything, it has made me more wiser and more ready to take on whatever 2010 has for me.

So, have a happy new year! I'm off to Whangamata to spend new years with my awesome friends. Hope your 2010 will be amazing and also challanging but rewarding. Because your life is like film- you only develop from the dark!

Also, a church friend of mine Merrilyn passed away yesterday morning. When I found out, though I was a bit upset, there was a strange peace in my heart that she's okay, in Heaven... happy. And I'm glad, but I've been out of it today. She is such a truly beautiful woman. I remember the way she made me felt. I only met her once with Kate, but after our visit I felt like gold was poured into my heart because of her wise words, joy and love. Being in her presence felt comforting. RIP Merrilyn , I'll see you soon in Heaven.

Merry Christmas!

So far, I've had a wonderful Christmas! The gifts and surprises and joy I've gotten is more than I could ask for.
Just a small reminder that Christmas is not all about the hype the world makes it up to be. It's not all about the presents or Santa or carols or decorations. It's about spending time with your loved ones, it's about giving not recieving and most of all, it's about the birth of Jesus Christ the saviour so that he could one day die for our redemption.
On a lighter note, have a great Christmas & I hope with all my heart yours will be/was amazing too =)

There must be something more

I just finished reading Erin and Sinead's updated blog (which you can read at http://www.roundtheworldmissions.blogspot.com/) and once again, I feel humbled and challanged.

Erin and Sinead are two girls from South Auckland who are on a world missions trip to spread the love of Jesus Christ, to experience the things God has for them, and to bring back what they've learnt for our church, just to name a few. Who they are and what they've learnt from God these past few weeks has really inspired me and opened my eyes...there is a burn in my heart to one day do what they are doing. Hopefully, God has that in mind for me in the future.

Reading their blog made me remember that God put a passion in my heart for social justice, for the lost, poor, broken and needy.
It has made me realise how petty and small and insignificant things that rich people like us make out small things to be. People in other parts of the world struggle to get by everyday. They resort to begging... prostitution... drugs... scavenging like animals.... eating bark off trees because of a lack of food... selling flowers at night in the red light district in Thailand where rape is bound to happen, and you're just 4 years old. Children are being forced to kill their own brothers and sisters and women are being killed by their own fathers because they have been raped. And today I did the dishes in a huff, I was selfish with my food and I was snippy after a mere 3 hour shift at work. Right now, my 'problems' seem so futile. Because it is.

What have you got annoyed at today?

Well, I'm not sure, but my guess is that me, you and people living in this country have just gotten so darn ungrateful of what we have and just how lucky we are. Not lucky, BLESSED. You are blessed. I am blessed.
I have working limbs. I have a roof over my head, food to come home to everynight, and food to wake up to in the morning. I have a doctor who I can go to with for free when I'm sick, and I all my family members are alive. I have parents who take care of me and provide me with the things I need and want. I am working, the job is not back breaking, and I am paid fairly on top of that. I can see. I can smell. I can hear. I can feel. I can talk. I can touch. I have more than enough clothes to last me for a very long time. I have alot of shoes, which I don't wear half of. I have access to clean water. I have a comfy bed, and privacy. I see the sun every morning, and the beautiful stars at night. I see blue and green on a summers day. When I walk out the door, I breathe, and I breathe in fresh air. People my age are always saying, 'New Zealand is crap.' But I say it's the world's paradise. Look around you, and you'll understand. Look at our news headlines compared to America's. Look at our scenery, our beaches, our people, our cultures, our sky. But best of all, I know and love the true God. The God of Heaven and Earth, the God who provides all of this for me.

How have you been blessed?

I'm sure you and I are blessed by more than a thousand ways.

I am just challanged once again to love others and love God in the ways where it counts- spending time with loved ones, with God and myself. Afterall, each day without love is a day wasted. I am challanged to count my blessings everyday, to be content with what I have and not with getting more. I am challanged to not utter a single word of complaint. I am challanged to give more to the needy, not just my money, but most importantly my time. Anyone can give money to the poor. It's the time people are hesitant to give. I am challanged and will try to be always. Like Erin & Sinead, I want God to turn me upside down, flip me inside out and break my heart for what's worth hurting for. I don't have to be half way around the world to do that. Right here, right now, I can make a difference. And so can you.

"I am Yours, and if you choose to cut me to pieces, every single pieces will be only all Yours." Mother Teresa

My mum

It's not mothers day, but it doesn't need to be for me to appreciate my mum for just how great she is.
She's not perfect, and neither am I the perfect daughter, but she inspires me in so many other ways.

She survived a refugee camp and had me while she was in the camp, naming me 'Chum Heung' which means 'Finding Home' in English. Ironically, four months later, we were delivered to the paradise New Zealand by God's grace.

She has laboured and sacrificed and trusted in God with starting up her business, a resturaunt in New Lynn. She taught me to pray for every business that you work for or are starting up, because without God, it is nothing.

She listened to me as I told her about Hope99, the mission organisation which me and my friend started up because of God's calling on us. She listened to me rant on about raising $1milllion for our organisation and all my wild hopes, dreams and passion for social justice. She listened, as wild and irrational as I may have seemed. She said we could do it, and she gave us money to help start it up.

She's the reason I feel proud of my academic accomplishments, and it makes me happy just to hear her squeal in delight when I acheive something.

She works 12 hours most days of the week but still helps at church, helps our asian community with paperwork as she speaks 5 languages, takes care of the family needs and holidays, babysits unselfishly and supports the family financially almost all on her own.

She makes me laugh without trying to.

She makes the best home meals, and always trys different recipes to please the family (even though sometimes it doesn't look picture perfect).

She's been giving me money for for 17 years now, and now I have a job, I'm so excited to give to her back.

When I came home tonite, I told her about my 9 hour shift and how tired I was. And she said to me, 'Why aren't you happy?' It made me realise once again that I have it luckier than alot of people out there, and that this job and it's money is God's blessing.

Though we get into fights a lot, without her my life and my family would crumble.

She has no shame. She'll open the front door for me in her undies, she'll scratch her armpits and she'll fart, but it amuses me more than embarrasses me (well from now on anyway).

She is persistant with us kids. Though she may be tired and busy, she continues to live for others and God, not for herself.

She has taught me so much about God and to keep Him the centre of everything, to trust Him no matter what.

What I think is so funny about her is that her motto in life is, 'Why pay full price?' Haha!

So these are only a handful of reasons why I love her and adore her. She has a strong and loving heart, a faith and trust in God that is unshakable, an unselfish nature, a determination and persistance that astounds me and a great sense of humour. Everyday of my life, she is working to keep me alive, to keep me strong, to keep me secure. I love the fact that when we both leave this earth, we will be in Heaven together. It makes me so happy to know that one day, all her hard work and faith in God will be fully rewarded. It's so good to reflect on what I have instead of what I don't...and I fully realise now how lucky I am to have her in my life!

Please don't be offended but...

I'm sick of you and your crazy antics, boys.

A Message To You

'I knew you before time began. I know how many hairs are on your head. Like parent, like child, you're created in My image. I have plans for you. I've also given you the gifts needed to fulfil them; and what I give, nobody can take away. But don't neglect them, excercise them and stir them up daily. Rest assured, I've started a good work in you and I'm going to finish it. I always complete what I begin. My Word concerning you is forever settled, and My committment to you is unending. In this life you will have challenges, but cheer up; I've robbed Satan of his power to control you and the world of its power to destroy you. When you're in trouble remember, I'm present to help. Give Me your burdens and I will sustain you. When you're stressed out and worn down by the pressures of life, lean on Me. I will be your rock, your fortress, your deliverer and your strength. Even though you fail from time to time, you won't be discarded because I am upholding you. But a word of caution; don't take advice from those who are spiritually blind and don't hang out with sceptics. Delight yourself in My word, and like a big oak tree growing by a river, you'll prosper in all you do.
P.S. I'd love to hear back from you.'

'And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.' (1 John 4:16)

Let's all believe this.

'You've probably heard that there is in every human heart a place that only God can fill...but there is also a chamber in God himself, which no one can enter but the one, the individual. You.
You are meant to fill a place in the heart of God no one and nothing else can fill.

You are the one that overwhelms his heart with just 'one glance of your eyes.' (Songs4:9b) You are the one he sings over with delight and longs to dance with you across mountaintops and ballroom floors (Zeph3:17). You are the one who takes his breath away by your beautiful heart that, against all odds, hopes in him.
Let that be true of you.

God wants to live this life together with you, to share in your days and decisions, your desires and disappointments. He wants intimacy with you in the midst of the madness and mundane, the meetings and memos, the laundry and lists, the carpools and conversations and projects and pains. He wants to pour his love into your heart and he longs to have you pour yours into his. He wants your deep heart, that center place within that is the truest you. He is not interested in intimacy with the woman that you think you are supposed to be. He wants intimacy with the real you.'

Captivting by John and Stasi Eldredge

I hate

Low self-esteem.
I hate it.
I hate what it does to beautiful people. I hate what it does to me.
These past few days I've been having a pretty great social life, going out and kicking back and what not. But I always wake up the next day feeling so lonely and sad. I was thinking about this last night and talking to God about it, and I came to the point where I reaslied that the more I become of this world, the more I idolize and submit to what is culturally beautiful and acceptable. I needed to submit and keep in God more, and therefore keep my peace inside that I am beautiful just the way I am, that I am enough and that I have enough. I havn't been doing that lately sadly..I've been so tired that I didn't spare any time for Him. But really, what is 10 minutes out of 24 hours to just simply be still and know that God is simply and wonderfully God?
It's great to have such amazing friends. But it's also important that you and I spend time with ourselves and with God, to know where we stand with Him and what He wants us to do next. To recharge ourselves, restore ourselves, find ourselves.
I guess that's my goal for the next few weeks. Just to spend time with God more so I am not of this world, but simply in it.

Word to Live By

An elderly man gives us words to live by:
'Time has a way of catching you unawares. It seems like yesterday I was young, just married and embarking on my new life. Where did the years go? I know I've lived them all, and I get 'glimpses' of how it was back then...my hopes and dreams. But here it is, the Winter of my life...How did I get here so fast?
I remember seeing older people and thinking winter was so far off I couldn't fathom or imagine it. But here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower...I see great changes. I remember when they were young and vibrant, now we're the old folks we never thought we'd become. Each day I find that taking a shower is a real target, and taking a nap isn't a treat anymore, it's mandatory, otherwise I fall asleep where I'm sitting! I'm unprepared for the aches, pains, and the loss of strength and ability to do the things I wish I'd done and didn't. Winter's here and I'm not sure how long it will last.
If you're not there yet, let me remind you it'll be here faster than you think. Whatever you'd like to accomplish in your life...do it today. Don't put it off, because you can never be sure if this is your winter. There is no guarantee you'll see every season of life, so say all the things you want your loved ones to remember. Your life is a gift from God, how you live your life is your gift to Him and ensuing generations.'

Word for Today

Every girl needs a man..

The kind that will treat you right. The kind that searches for you with all his heart. The kind that respects you and adores you.

Every girl needs a man who won’t cheat on her. One who can be trusted in a room full of beautiful girls. Because he’s smart enough to know that he already has a girl who has everything that he wants, needs and more.

The right guy will never leave you lonely and wondering. You will always know where you stand with him. He will be your best friend and lover. He’ll call you early in the morning just to say good morning or late at night to say good night and maybe even tell you a bedtime story to make you laugh or talk to you until you fall asleep.

This guy will be the kind that’ll do anything for you, even if it’s just to go to the store to buy you your favorite ice cream. He’ll buy you flowers just because it’s a Wednesday and will notice your hair when you’ve gotten it cut or have gotten all gussied up specifically for him.

You deserve a guy who will cherish you. He’d never be afraid to smile to his friends when you’re around and tell them, “She’s the one”. He’d appreciate you for the things you do for him, even if they’re little… like the little love notes you leave him.

He’ll be chivalrous. He’ll wait for you when you’re falling behind, open doors for you and will walk you to the door to make sure you get in safely. He would defend and fight for you and never bail on you when you needed him most.

The right guy will call you beautiful instead of hot, he’ll kiss your forehead when you’re down and he’ll be the one who will love you for everything you are.

Never settle for anything less.

Tumblr

Sin

"Only the Lord forgets sin.
Only God can take it and send it as far away as the east is form the west.

Man remembers.
Man recounts.
Man condemns.

I know that that will remember my sins, Lord, but when they look upon my life, let them see what you did for an unworthy woman.
Let them see the hope born from despair.
If they must recount my sins, let them count your blessings more so. You protected me and you raised me up.
Let my name be unspoken, Lord, for what am I that anyone should remember me?
But oh Lord, if they do remember me let them open their mouths and sing of your great mercy towards me.
Let them see your infinite grace and boundless love.
And... let them be encouraged."

Bathsheba, A Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers

Im sooo

happy.

I just had a talk with a friend of mine, a brother in Christ who I really adore. He felt this urge to ring me, and we started talking about this life both he and I were living that was completely seperate to what God wanted.
He gave me a verse in Job 28:28:

"And he said to man, ‘Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is understanding."

That verse meant a lot to me. It struck the heart of the sin I had given birth to in my heart.
This brother of mine blessed me so much with his encouraging words.
I feel gold running through my veins..I feel right and content once again.
And it's because of this: when you walk in step with the one who so lovingly created you, you're true and eternal Father and King, you feel a happiness beyond words. A happiness you can't contain. A happiness found and radiated from within the heart. That is true happiness. Like Henry Ward Beecher says,

"True happiness is finding the way in which God is going- and going that way too."

I'm giving you encouragement, whoever you are reading this, that a life of sin can't hold you down. The devil and you yourself are the only ones stopping you from coming into the light. The wicked will perish- who wants to be counted as one that did? Life and true happiness can only be found when you are right with God, when you are near Him, He will draw near to you.
Don't worry about trying to grasp everything of this world at once..because if you seek His kingdom first, everything else will be given to you. And that is God's promise!
I'm not preaching this to you. I'm also telling myself in hopes I will remain true to what I believe. With God's strength and grace, you and I will both!

Bless!

Amen.

It sucks when you seem to think love has remembered everyone else but you.
It also sucks when you turn down every guy because he doesn't 'meet your standards.'
I'm a victim of the two, so distressed, I talked to a good friend of mine about this, and he asked me a question that really got me thinking : Do I meet MY standards?
So often, girls like me get caught up in finding the perfect, wholesome guy, when we ourselves are not so perfect and wholesome ourselves. How do we expect to get an amazing guy if we cuss, backstabb people and rage at everyone? Can we really expect to find a great, polite, charming, funny, romantic, guy when we aren't willing to live up to the standards we ourselves put on guys?
My friend summed this point up perfectly when he said:

"To get a top quality guy you've got to be a top quality lady."

To me, that means being the best I can possibly be towards everyone..not for the sake of getting a good boyfriend, but because that is happiness in itself, and the best way to enjoy life I think. As a bonus, a guy will come along who will match up to the high standard I put on myself and that would be alrite with me.

One Small Step

No matter how much you screw up,
life only goes on
with one small step
at a time.

Happiness

An Attitude of Gratitude

'Dear Heavenly Father,

Even though I clutch my blanketand growl when the alarm goes off, thanks You Lord that I can hear; there are many who are deaf.
Even though I close my eyes as long as possible against the morning light, thank You lord that I can see; there are many who are blind.
Even though I put off the effort to rise, thank You Lord that I have the strength to get up; there are many who are bedridden.
Even though the first hour of my day is hectic when socks are lost, toast is burned and tempers are short, thank You Lord for my family; there are many who are all alone.
Even though our breakfast tables never looks like the pictures in the magazines and the menu at times is unbalanced, thank You Lord for the food we have; there are many who are hungry.
Even though my job is sometimes monotonous, thank You for the opportunity to work; there are many who are unemployed.
Even though I complain from time to time and wish my circumstances were different, thank You for the gift of life; there are people in the graveyard who would gladly switch places with me.
Even though I make mistakes, stumble and fall, thank You for the grace to get up again; there are many who didn't make it.
Thank You Lord for all these blessings- and 101 others that I have taken for granted.

Amen.'

Word for Today

I like (UPDATED!)

I like Bon Iver
I like acoustic music merged with the sound of rain
I like being observant
I like the sound of leaves crunching beneath my feet
I like walking home after school listening to music, reflecting
I like the adventure I have when I go driving by myself
I like laughing to myself, at the cost of people thinking you're crazy
I like photographing beautiful moments
I like house-sitting
I like views of the city lights
I like encouraging and loving people to my fullest
I like talking to God
I like hit and runs with best friends!
I like Rialto cinemas
I like Invisible Children
I like Facebook
I like reminising funny moments with friends
I like the butterflies and sweaty palms and hammering heart a crush gives you
I like giving people a fright
I like hair extensions
I like dolling up for a good night
I like Kandee Johnson
I like texts that make me smile or laugh
I like summer festivals
I like dancing in my underwear in my room and getting paranoid cause you think the neighbors can see you
I like Maltesers and Pineapple Lumps
I like retail shopping
I like romantic photographs and sayings
I like Africa
I like New York
I like doing random videos with friends
I like Susan Pauls 'thousands of luminous spheres!'
I like that I don't take things too seriously
I like the GeeGee dance
I like being crazy with mates and living up to our South Auckland reputation
I like being in the cinemas with Wilson (hah)
I like watching documentaries, especially with Felicity
I like smiley faces '=)'
I like 'booby shaking' security cameras
I like pretending I have a gun and shooting people
I like my Auntie and her immaturity
I like the things boredom makes you do
I like nandos!
I like msn conversations at 2 in the morning
I like semi-darkness
I like that when I wear heels I feel like a hot pot!
I like being caught in the rain
I like thunder and lightning when I'm comfy inside
I like smiling at strangers, and strangers smiling at me
I like my solitude
I like geekiness
I like getting super excited
I like mornings where you wake up and feel great cause you had a decent nights sleep
I like bathing in the sunlight in bed
I like Jasmine, my baby cousin and her sweet playfulness
I like being around funny drunks
I like everything fashion
I like Doc Marten boots, but not the price
I like pushing myself
I like Hope99 and seeing the hard work pay off
I like blushing randomly while thinking of your crush
I like being a kid
I like people who's faith are strong in God, particularly nowadays
I like webcam moments
I like silhouettes at sunrise or sunset
I like birds that sing
I like making people laugh at my cost
I like girly vintage
I like making myself laugh
I like the idea of distance seperating two people physically, but love binding them together wholly
I like some romantic novels and movies
I like the feeling of getting a grade better than I expected
I like hugging people I have missed
I like watching horror movies with Kate and friends
I like cool breezes when you're hot
I like punching my pillow to get all my anger out
I like beautiful souls, not just beautiful people
I like friends who are musicians and supporting them
I like my adventures with Abigail
I like getting g-strings from aother country
I like how my eyes get 'uneven'
I like shoes!
I like random conversations
I like sitting outside, reading and listening to music
I like unexpected outings
I like hugs from behind
I like the smell and feeling of opening a new CD
I like my warm comfy bed after a long, good night
I like reading fairytales and folktales at night
I like the dust in the sunlight
I like after-dinner walks on the beach
I like sketching people I love
I like 4$ sweaters
I like finding something amazing at an op-shop
I like the 50's
I like finding a beautiful song you never realised you had on your itunes and playing it over and over again, still marvelling at the fact you somehow missed it
I like being messy once in a while
I like seeing my family happy, expecially my mum and sister
I like cherry blossoms
I like the pure excitement of hearing that a band you love are playing in your area
I like drinking 'magic water' with Jayesh
I like strength
I like putting clothes together
I like morning chills when you stack on layers and layers of clothes
I like catching up with old friends
I like Green Tea Frapps from Starbucks
I like Real Groovy discount CDs
I like Skins
I like feeling special, and making people feel special
I like coffee and ciggerettes
I like it when people smile when they see me
I like being playful around my sister
I like band vlogs
I like stealing road signs
I like being missed
I like walkin around the mall with nothing to do but laugh and everything and anything
I like yummy eye candies!
I like going on the swings at night
I like going on the playground till you realise you're way too old for it and walk away with sore hips
I like 7.15pm pro lighting
I like eyeliner

Isak Dinisen

'Difficult times have helped me understand better that before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.'

'Miss her when she's not there'

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there."

Bob Marley

Eugene Petersen

'Every day I put love on the line. There's nothing I am less good at. I am far better at competition than love; far better at responding to my instincts to get ahead than at figuring out how to love another. I'm schooled and trained in getting my own way. And yet, I decide every day to set aside what I do best, and attempt to do what I do very clumsily- open up myslef to the fustrations and failures of loving, daring to believe that failing in love is better than succeeding in pride.'

What I found true.

I've been watching Kandee Johnson's youtube clips lately and she's incredible! Not only does she have an awesome talent in make-up and fashion, she's also really inspirational, coming from a tough past. It's so motivating to see her rise from the ashes to fulfilling her life-long dream.

A quote she mentioned while talking about her past was this:
'The more broken and shattered you are, the more light and grace you can reflect.'
It means that the shattered pieces of a mirror can reflect so much more light than a unbroken mirror can. It means that if you are broken and you're hurting, there is so much light to give to the world because of it. It means you don't have to wallow in self-pity and depression. It means being a living example that anything is possible and that you can make it even through the toughest times. It means being positive about every area in your life, though we are broken. That is what makes it all worthwhile isn't it? Living to help make living life easier for others.

Kandee is pretty awesome.

Links if you wanna check her out:
Youtube
Blogspot

Lucky

Isn't it good to know, that even though you muck up real bad, God's grace and forgiveness is always there to turn to?

I'm not saying that it's ok to purposely muck up all the time and think nothing of it because 'God will forgive me.' I'm just saying that when you sin, and the sin weighs down on you hard, we His people know that it's not our load to carry and we can be clean again.

I'm speaking from last night's experiences, if you wanna call it that. Yep I did ALOT of things I regretted, and this morning I felt like I couldn't talk to God. Then this little voice says inside of me, 'You can.' It just hit me there that the only person thats stopping me and God getting right again is me. Me and my load. Me and my guilt. It's never, ever God who stops you from coming to Him.
I reckon we're really lucky to have an amazing grace like His. Sometimes I can't understand how people sin and get through the guilt by themselves. I'm really blessed to not have to do this alone. Aren't we all..

True Beauty

"Your real beauty is a work of art - hand carved by God himself.
You have been given beautiful lips to speak words of life,
beautiful eyes to see him in everything,
beautiful hands to help those in need,
and a beautiful face to reflect Gods love to the world.
I know you don't see yourself the way he does because you compare yourself to models and actresses and such people that will soon be forgotten. But he will totally work wonders that will radiate true beauty from within. And when his work is complete, your character will show off his craftsmanship, and your beauty marks will be remembered by all that were loved by you."

I've been encouraged by this passage, I know my spiritual soulmate might be encouraged by this, and so will a lot of other girls. It's written by a chick on from myspace. And I don't know her but her blogs really do rock.

At Parachute it really hit me that a lot of girls do struggle with beauty (I do too), inside and out. We're so caught up with materialsim, boys, what's beautiful by the world's standards, how to stand out from the crowd etc. There's just a lot of different forces that pressure girls to cheapen beauty and let appearance capture attention and not your heart and spirit. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to want to look good, but there will be times when sometimes that's just not enough and the world trashes your efforts. That's when we need to gaze at God all the more and not mirrors. That's when we need to realise that beauty is not found in mirrors, it's found in God and God alone, because He made you and I with such great love and passion. That's when we need to realise God has only one plan for your flesh- to destroy it. That's when your beautiful soul and spirit needs to be valued by yourself before others can truly do the same.
There's an amazing verse in 1 Peter 3:3-4:

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel, rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”

Our spirit is so precious to God, and while that may not seem much to you right now, pray. Ask me to pray for you and I will. I think if every girl recognized her true beauty, it would be such a powerful thing.
In a rush so I was quick
but holla if you want to talk about it more.

I like

I like 1 Corinthians 13:13
I like making people smile
I like beautiful starry nights
I like falling sleeping to acoustic music
I like ginger beer
I like being extreme
I like a hot drink on a cold day
I like the moonlight on my sheets
I like my intimate moments with God, I love them
I like falling on my bed after a long day
I like sitting on my rooftop at night thinking
I like photos
I like happy people
I like how my sister always does something to cheer me up when I'm feeling down
I like road trips
I like the smiling with the sunshine on my face
I like that I have a nice view of God's glory outside my bedroom window
I like undisturbed sleeps
I like candles
I like waking up and lying on my bed for hours, thinking
I like day dreaming
I like laugh out loud moments
I like deep and meaningfuls
I like nature
I like those moments when you're filled with deep gratitude
I like doing what I can to help those lost, sick, poor, broken and needy
I like to worship
I like eyes that tell a million stories
I like shooting stars (the band and actual shooting stars)
I like the sky
I like the feel of new, clean clothes
I like being high on life
I like sing-a-longs
I like trying on hundreds of perfumes in department stores
I like the beach
I like daisy chains
I like Bella
I like crying
I like reading good books, snuggled up
I like hugs and kisses
I like little birds
I like smiles from strangers
I like that I'm free, chosen, blessed, loved, safe.
I like eye contact with the opposite gender
I like photography
I like dresses
I like speaking and sharing with people
I like Hope99
I like crushes
I like good butterflies in my tummy
I like skinny jeans
I like sarcasm
I like encouraging people
I like shoes
I like that I attract interesting Indian boys
I like sushi
I like having intellectual/good conversations
I like seeing old friends and the genuine joy of seeing them
I like my right eye
I like being inspired
I like writing in my journal
I like the clean feeling after a hot shower
I like hot showers
I like taking bubble baths with candles and soft music
I like being not smoking, drinking or doing drugs
I like funny typos
I like lovely people
I like tattoos
I like taking long walks, especially on the beach
I like my brothers and sisters in Christ
I like the feeling of the wind on my face
I like sunsets and sunrises
I like compliments, but I especially like insults
I like webcaming people
I like drives with friends
I like loud music and dancing
I like love songs
I like my bum ;)
I like short shorts and bare feet
I like that I live in South Auckland
I like that I'm breathing
I like that I have a rough past, cause though it gets hard, I know God has a plan for me still
I like once-in-a-lifetime moments
I like letting the Bible show me what's right
I like, LOVE, funny people
I like that I'm tiny
I like a boy
I like music way too much, and hearing a new favourite song
I like the hardcore scene style
I like leave-in conditioner
I like the peace I have when my mum has a day off from work and just stays at home
I like that I look ridiculous trying to fit into a scene
I like being me, I wish that I was more often
I like long phone calls till 3 in the morning
I like being there for people
I like puppies
I like dressing up
I like cafes and being all sophisticated ordering coffee
I like finding loose change in my pocket
I like the individual beauty of each season
I like making people laugh
I like lip balm
I like true friends
I like the sound of the wind blowing through the trees at night
I like hearing the rain on my rooftop when I'm in bed, and falling asleep to it
I like whales
I like meeting new, wonderful people
I like falling in love
I like playing the name game
I like talking with Felicity, no one else compares to her
I like inspiring quotes
I like memorabilia
I like feeling good about myself
I like going to a good hardcore gig
I like falling more in love with God each day
I like solitaire, but only on my ipod
I like moshing and getting body-rubbed by strangers
I like laughing
I like dried up roses
I like screaming
I like holding hands
I like pictionary
I like that I only want to drink water
I like personal jokes
I like cities
I like the solitude everyone falls in when they're on a train
I like justice
I like being crazy, weird and loserish sometimes
I like accents
I like rubbing my nose
I like how I fail at contact sports
I like true and inner beauty
I like that I'm on a journey to my home in Heaven
I like doing the pout
I like sunshine through trees
I like being messy once in a while
I like that I know my life is in God's hands
I like face masks
I like lying on the grass and soaking up the sun
I like stepping out of my comfort zone
I like texting L1K3 TH15
I like reading old diary entries and giggling to myself
I like that I have eczema because I'm more modest because of it
I like it when people give me flowers
I like that I can't pronounce certain words properly
I like lingerie
I like good msn talks
I like being by myself and having time to reflect
I like car games
I like movie nights with loads of junk food, laughs and friends
I like that people call me cute when I have no idea how I became cute
I like being humbled
I like screamo
I like that I'm a walking contradiction
I like that I have a funny bible study group
I like DeviantArt
I like people fashion
I like saying 'I love you' and really meaning it
I like being healthy
I like smiling
I like my shiny cheeks
I like my weird semi-dimple on my right cheek
I like pulling faces
I like being a boys-girl
I like saving sweet text messages
I like chocolate buttons
I like bike rides