2009

Where do I start?
Well firstly this year has gone by soo fast it's crazy. It feels like I was celebrating the new year of 2009 just yesterday.

This year I've been going forward and back in my life alot. I've been doing things I know I shouldn't, and I've been doing things that make me realise what life is all about.

I've learnt a lot of things.
I've learnt that although you do something you know is bad and it may be fulfilling at that time, in the long run it's really not. And although you may grow wiser from it, there are consequences to be dealt with in the end aswell.
I've learnt to value my family, my friends and my God, even though throughout this year I have been neglecting them.
I've learnt to let beauty radiate from the inside out even more so than last year. And it's hard, especially in this world we live in today, where you're only beautiful because you look it, not because you really are.
I've learnt that my heart is a fierce one, full of passion and affection. And because of that I've been running around everywhere trying to fill that void to be romanced, and I didn't turn to God until I was completely walled in. Now I know to be patient and remain in Him until I find the right man He has in store for me.
I've learnt that sacrifice is not easy, but in the end you are more blessed and more fulfilled. When you commit your life to God, things really do work out.
I've learnt even more so that God is mysterious and really funny. Just when you've given up hope and your patience is running low, He does something amazing and unimaginable.
I've learnt time and time again this year that it's not about me. It never was. I want my life to be Christ-centered and others-centered, and only a little me-centered.
Lastly, I've learnt to forgive and to let go, amoung many other things.

I'm still learning things, aswell.
I'm learning to love my skin, literally. I have ezcema, and I have alot of scars because I had it since I was little. It hurts me emotionlly more than people might think. I don't choose to wear skin revealing things, so when I see the freedom people have to do so, I feel a little disadvantaged. However, I know that this skin keeps me modest and dependant on God and on the inner me, not how I look physically.
I'm learning to love myself. Though I wish many things, I'm a work in progress; a lump of clay being moulded, a diamond being polished, a piece of gold in the furnace.
I'm learning to let God in my life and make Him number one, not my 'if all else fails' to run to guy, but the person I will talk to at the beginning and end of everything.
I'm learning to love the people in my life and cherish them. Because although sometimes I may not think it, but they are really amazing people I wouldn't trade the world for.

I feel like the mood of this blog is quite melancholy, I guess it's not really the right time for me to write this. But this year, I've had a lot of ups and downs, twists and turns, good times and bad times...the experiences I've had, I wouldn't trade for anything. If anything, it has made me more wiser and more ready to take on whatever 2010 has for me.

So, have a happy new year! I'm off to Whangamata to spend new years with my awesome friends. Hope your 2010 will be amazing and also challanging but rewarding. Because your life is like film- you only develop from the dark!

Also, a church friend of mine Merrilyn passed away yesterday morning. When I found out, though I was a bit upset, there was a strange peace in my heart that she's okay, in Heaven... happy. And I'm glad, but I've been out of it today. She is such a truly beautiful woman. I remember the way she made me felt. I only met her once with Kate, but after our visit I felt like gold was poured into my heart because of her wise words, joy and love. Being in her presence felt comforting. RIP Merrilyn , I'll see you soon in Heaven.