2009

Where do I start?
Well firstly this year has gone by soo fast it's crazy. It feels like I was celebrating the new year of 2009 just yesterday.

This year I've been going forward and back in my life alot. I've been doing things I know I shouldn't, and I've been doing things that make me realise what life is all about.

I've learnt a lot of things.
I've learnt that although you do something you know is bad and it may be fulfilling at that time, in the long run it's really not. And although you may grow wiser from it, there are consequences to be dealt with in the end aswell.
I've learnt to value my family, my friends and my God, even though throughout this year I have been neglecting them.
I've learnt to let beauty radiate from the inside out even more so than last year. And it's hard, especially in this world we live in today, where you're only beautiful because you look it, not because you really are.
I've learnt that my heart is a fierce one, full of passion and affection. And because of that I've been running around everywhere trying to fill that void to be romanced, and I didn't turn to God until I was completely walled in. Now I know to be patient and remain in Him until I find the right man He has in store for me.
I've learnt that sacrifice is not easy, but in the end you are more blessed and more fulfilled. When you commit your life to God, things really do work out.
I've learnt even more so that God is mysterious and really funny. Just when you've given up hope and your patience is running low, He does something amazing and unimaginable.
I've learnt time and time again this year that it's not about me. It never was. I want my life to be Christ-centered and others-centered, and only a little me-centered.
Lastly, I've learnt to forgive and to let go, amoung many other things.

I'm still learning things, aswell.
I'm learning to love my skin, literally. I have ezcema, and I have alot of scars because I had it since I was little. It hurts me emotionlly more than people might think. I don't choose to wear skin revealing things, so when I see the freedom people have to do so, I feel a little disadvantaged. However, I know that this skin keeps me modest and dependant on God and on the inner me, not how I look physically.
I'm learning to love myself. Though I wish many things, I'm a work in progress; a lump of clay being moulded, a diamond being polished, a piece of gold in the furnace.
I'm learning to let God in my life and make Him number one, not my 'if all else fails' to run to guy, but the person I will talk to at the beginning and end of everything.
I'm learning to love the people in my life and cherish them. Because although sometimes I may not think it, but they are really amazing people I wouldn't trade the world for.

I feel like the mood of this blog is quite melancholy, I guess it's not really the right time for me to write this. But this year, I've had a lot of ups and downs, twists and turns, good times and bad times...the experiences I've had, I wouldn't trade for anything. If anything, it has made me more wiser and more ready to take on whatever 2010 has for me.

So, have a happy new year! I'm off to Whangamata to spend new years with my awesome friends. Hope your 2010 will be amazing and also challanging but rewarding. Because your life is like film- you only develop from the dark!

Also, a church friend of mine Merrilyn passed away yesterday morning. When I found out, though I was a bit upset, there was a strange peace in my heart that she's okay, in Heaven... happy. And I'm glad, but I've been out of it today. She is such a truly beautiful woman. I remember the way she made me felt. I only met her once with Kate, but after our visit I felt like gold was poured into my heart because of her wise words, joy and love. Being in her presence felt comforting. RIP Merrilyn , I'll see you soon in Heaven.

Merry Christmas!

So far, I've had a wonderful Christmas! The gifts and surprises and joy I've gotten is more than I could ask for.
Just a small reminder that Christmas is not all about the hype the world makes it up to be. It's not all about the presents or Santa or carols or decorations. It's about spending time with your loved ones, it's about giving not recieving and most of all, it's about the birth of Jesus Christ the saviour so that he could one day die for our redemption.
On a lighter note, have a great Christmas & I hope with all my heart yours will be/was amazing too =)

There must be something more

I just finished reading Erin and Sinead's updated blog (which you can read at http://www.roundtheworldmissions.blogspot.com/) and once again, I feel humbled and challanged.

Erin and Sinead are two girls from South Auckland who are on a world missions trip to spread the love of Jesus Christ, to experience the things God has for them, and to bring back what they've learnt for our church, just to name a few. Who they are and what they've learnt from God these past few weeks has really inspired me and opened my eyes...there is a burn in my heart to one day do what they are doing. Hopefully, God has that in mind for me in the future.

Reading their blog made me remember that God put a passion in my heart for social justice, for the lost, poor, broken and needy.
It has made me realise how petty and small and insignificant things that rich people like us make out small things to be. People in other parts of the world struggle to get by everyday. They resort to begging... prostitution... drugs... scavenging like animals.... eating bark off trees because of a lack of food... selling flowers at night in the red light district in Thailand where rape is bound to happen, and you're just 4 years old. Children are being forced to kill their own brothers and sisters and women are being killed by their own fathers because they have been raped. And today I did the dishes in a huff, I was selfish with my food and I was snippy after a mere 3 hour shift at work. Right now, my 'problems' seem so futile. Because it is.

What have you got annoyed at today?

Well, I'm not sure, but my guess is that me, you and people living in this country have just gotten so darn ungrateful of what we have and just how lucky we are. Not lucky, BLESSED. You are blessed. I am blessed.
I have working limbs. I have a roof over my head, food to come home to everynight, and food to wake up to in the morning. I have a doctor who I can go to with for free when I'm sick, and I all my family members are alive. I have parents who take care of me and provide me with the things I need and want. I am working, the job is not back breaking, and I am paid fairly on top of that. I can see. I can smell. I can hear. I can feel. I can talk. I can touch. I have more than enough clothes to last me for a very long time. I have alot of shoes, which I don't wear half of. I have access to clean water. I have a comfy bed, and privacy. I see the sun every morning, and the beautiful stars at night. I see blue and green on a summers day. When I walk out the door, I breathe, and I breathe in fresh air. People my age are always saying, 'New Zealand is crap.' But I say it's the world's paradise. Look around you, and you'll understand. Look at our news headlines compared to America's. Look at our scenery, our beaches, our people, our cultures, our sky. But best of all, I know and love the true God. The God of Heaven and Earth, the God who provides all of this for me.

How have you been blessed?

I'm sure you and I are blessed by more than a thousand ways.

I am just challanged once again to love others and love God in the ways where it counts- spending time with loved ones, with God and myself. Afterall, each day without love is a day wasted. I am challanged to count my blessings everyday, to be content with what I have and not with getting more. I am challanged to not utter a single word of complaint. I am challanged to give more to the needy, not just my money, but most importantly my time. Anyone can give money to the poor. It's the time people are hesitant to give. I am challanged and will try to be always. Like Erin & Sinead, I want God to turn me upside down, flip me inside out and break my heart for what's worth hurting for. I don't have to be half way around the world to do that. Right here, right now, I can make a difference. And so can you.

"I am Yours, and if you choose to cut me to pieces, every single pieces will be only all Yours." Mother Teresa

My mum

It's not mothers day, but it doesn't need to be for me to appreciate my mum for just how great she is.
She's not perfect, and neither am I the perfect daughter, but she inspires me in so many other ways.

She survived a refugee camp and had me while she was in the camp, naming me 'Chum Heung' which means 'Finding Home' in English. Ironically, four months later, we were delivered to the paradise New Zealand by God's grace.

She has laboured and sacrificed and trusted in God with starting up her business, a resturaunt in New Lynn. She taught me to pray for every business that you work for or are starting up, because without God, it is nothing.

She listened to me as I told her about Hope99, the mission organisation which me and my friend started up because of God's calling on us. She listened to me rant on about raising $1milllion for our organisation and all my wild hopes, dreams and passion for social justice. She listened, as wild and irrational as I may have seemed. She said we could do it, and she gave us money to help start it up.

She's the reason I feel proud of my academic accomplishments, and it makes me happy just to hear her squeal in delight when I acheive something.

She works 12 hours most days of the week but still helps at church, helps our asian community with paperwork as she speaks 5 languages, takes care of the family needs and holidays, babysits unselfishly and supports the family financially almost all on her own.

She makes me laugh without trying to.

She makes the best home meals, and always trys different recipes to please the family (even though sometimes it doesn't look picture perfect).

She's been giving me money for for 17 years now, and now I have a job, I'm so excited to give to her back.

When I came home tonite, I told her about my 9 hour shift and how tired I was. And she said to me, 'Why aren't you happy?' It made me realise once again that I have it luckier than alot of people out there, and that this job and it's money is God's blessing.

Though we get into fights a lot, without her my life and my family would crumble.

She has no shame. She'll open the front door for me in her undies, she'll scratch her armpits and she'll fart, but it amuses me more than embarrasses me (well from now on anyway).

She is persistant with us kids. Though she may be tired and busy, she continues to live for others and God, not for herself.

She has taught me so much about God and to keep Him the centre of everything, to trust Him no matter what.

What I think is so funny about her is that her motto in life is, 'Why pay full price?' Haha!

So these are only a handful of reasons why I love her and adore her. She has a strong and loving heart, a faith and trust in God that is unshakable, an unselfish nature, a determination and persistance that astounds me and a great sense of humour. Everyday of my life, she is working to keep me alive, to keep me strong, to keep me secure. I love the fact that when we both leave this earth, we will be in Heaven together. It makes me so happy to know that one day, all her hard work and faith in God will be fully rewarded. It's so good to reflect on what I have instead of what I don't...and I fully realise now how lucky I am to have her in my life!

Please don't be offended but...

I'm sick of you and your crazy antics, boys.

A Message To You

'I knew you before time began. I know how many hairs are on your head. Like parent, like child, you're created in My image. I have plans for you. I've also given you the gifts needed to fulfil them; and what I give, nobody can take away. But don't neglect them, excercise them and stir them up daily. Rest assured, I've started a good work in you and I'm going to finish it. I always complete what I begin. My Word concerning you is forever settled, and My committment to you is unending. In this life you will have challenges, but cheer up; I've robbed Satan of his power to control you and the world of its power to destroy you. When you're in trouble remember, I'm present to help. Give Me your burdens and I will sustain you. When you're stressed out and worn down by the pressures of life, lean on Me. I will be your rock, your fortress, your deliverer and your strength. Even though you fail from time to time, you won't be discarded because I am upholding you. But a word of caution; don't take advice from those who are spiritually blind and don't hang out with sceptics. Delight yourself in My word, and like a big oak tree growing by a river, you'll prosper in all you do.
P.S. I'd love to hear back from you.'

'And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.' (1 John 4:16)

Let's all believe this.

'You've probably heard that there is in every human heart a place that only God can fill...but there is also a chamber in God himself, which no one can enter but the one, the individual. You.
You are meant to fill a place in the heart of God no one and nothing else can fill.

You are the one that overwhelms his heart with just 'one glance of your eyes.' (Songs4:9b) You are the one he sings over with delight and longs to dance with you across mountaintops and ballroom floors (Zeph3:17). You are the one who takes his breath away by your beautiful heart that, against all odds, hopes in him.
Let that be true of you.

God wants to live this life together with you, to share in your days and decisions, your desires and disappointments. He wants intimacy with you in the midst of the madness and mundane, the meetings and memos, the laundry and lists, the carpools and conversations and projects and pains. He wants to pour his love into your heart and he longs to have you pour yours into his. He wants your deep heart, that center place within that is the truest you. He is not interested in intimacy with the woman that you think you are supposed to be. He wants intimacy with the real you.'

Captivting by John and Stasi Eldredge