The downfall of us all.

My fingers are itching to blog. Not even about anything in particular. There's no passion burning inside of me to get preachy about something. There is, however, this quiet dread inside of me, increasing when I hear people talking about the massacre in Norway and no one talk about the food crisis in Africa. It grew a little bit last night when I heard there was a small shooting in Auckland where 3 people got shot. It is terrible what is happening in the world today. Bad news keeps flowing in and suddenly people are vulnerable to a violent death more than ever, even in our beautiful New Zealand. But who cares? They are dead and not us right? They are hungry but it's okay because we still have food and money to feed ourselves.

All scarcasm aside, I want to point the finger at society and judge them for not giving a crap about any social issues, more particularly, an increasing number of our brothers and sisters dying from starvation in Africa. I am tempted to give them a (virtual) middle finger and comment on a seemingly selfish Facebook status saying 'WHO CARES!' I feel like slapping and shaking them up from their slumber. Suddenly I am better than any of them...but if I am being honest with myself, I am just as bad as anyone. I can give you a long list of things that show how selfish and apathetic I am when it comes to making the world a better place.

Sure, we may not be able to feed the 11 million people in Africa and elsewhere who are dying from lack of food and water, sure we may not be able to throw out all the weapons of death and war and convince all those who are hurting not to take it out on other people, sure we can't convince all those who are losing hope because they are lonely or gay to not kill themselves, but we CAN do something, even if it is very tiny in comparison to the corruption in the world. Those small deeds are part of a bigger plan of restoration to the world God had orginally intended it to be - peaceful.

The other day during lunch, my mum and I were discussing the bible course I was doing and how she didn't really approve. In my defense, I said that it included missionary work. She said to me that I shouldn't be trying to 'save the world' when I can't even do the dishes at home. It sounded silly and it didn't make sense to me (and I'm sure it may not make sense to you too) and I, of course, rebutted - doing the dishes at home was completely different to giving a home to say, abused kids in Thailand - it has more meaning and purporse. Just because you don't do the chores at home does not mean you are a bad person or can't help those who are poor and broken, I said. But as I was thinking about what she said afterwards, I realised that she did have a good point. 'Saving the world' starts in your own home. It starts in your own community. For me, it does mean helping with the chores at home. It means treating my enemies with love, even if I do not respect them. It means telling my friends about God, even if they do not want to hear it. It means giving bread and companionship to those who are homeless in my city. It means befriending those who are lonely. It means stepping up for those who are bullied, abused and voiceless. No doubt, those little things you do God sees and shows Him that you can handle the bigger things He has in mind for you in the future, whatever that may be.

As much as I am saying this to myself, I am saying to you: Let's stop complaining about things that do not have significance in the greater scheme of restoring this broken world. Though we may think there may be no point because the world is going to end in disaster anyway, the point is being a light in a place of darkness, is being people of active faith and good deeds, is being people who sees love as being a verb. In a world that is getting more selfish and violent, let's be lights and show people the path to hope and restoration.

This turned out longer than I expected. Haha. Well, I hope this encouraged you in some way anyway.

Vegetarianism revamped.

A few of you might have read a post I made on vegetarianism a while ago and how I wanted to know what eating meat and not eating meat means to my faith. I was getting fed up with vegetarians thinking that their lifestyle is the right one and forcing their beliefs on others. In my research, I found that neither lifestyle was right or wrong. I believe it is a personal decision and, like with any belief you have, not to be shoved down people's throats.

A couple days ago, I was scrolling down my Facebook and I saw a friend post a link on a trailer for a documentary on humanity's dependance on animals and their disrespect for them. This lead on to a link where I could watch the full documentary. For some reason, I was compelled.

And so, I watched the hour long video in disgust and awe. We have forced animals to be used as pets, food, clothing, entertainment and testers in medical science and yet, the hard fact is, they are constantly treated with complete disrespect and no mercy. God loves us humans, even though we are rotton and are (now) far less pure than animals, and he gave us responsibilty to look after all the plants and animals of the earth. (Genesis 9:3 says, "Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything"). That means treating nature and animals with respect because it is God's property, His creation, made out of His love. Throughout the documentary, I kept thinking that we have fallen so far from Eden. What was once companionship with and love for animals has turned into an egotistic massacre of them.
I did not agree wih all of the film, but it had some raw truths that were hard to deny. If you would like to watch and be changed in some way, click here.

I guess you could say I have decided to become vegetarian. Well, not really. I decided to (try) cut out meat from my diet because I do not agree with the way animals are treated and killed for our own hunger. And like the documentary says, if you hope that the meat you buy has not been processed in a disgusting way, then you do not have the right to refuse to see what happens in slaughterhouses. I have made that decision to not buy meat altogether because I now know what happens to the animals before they are put in our supermarkets. I'm getting preachy. I'm sorry. All in all, just want to say watch the video if you are inclined and this is basically where I stand now after it. Awesome.

You are the one who will set this woman free.

Hey all!

I'm in a place in my life right now where I am content. I'm not happy, because happiness is very temporary and fleeting, but joyful, because it lasts even through struggles and hardships. You could say that some things in my life right now aren't going good, but in spite of this I feel like I'm on solid groud finally. I am resting in God's love and provision and not my own. I am weak but He is strong and He and He alone is holding me through this valley. For that, I am so very thankful and joyful. My blessings are many and my bad luck is few. Especially when in Eastern Africa there is a tragic food crisis going on, the worst in the 21st century. If you would like to know more about it, check out this video.
And if you feel inclined to help, click here.
And if you live in New Zealand, there's a hardcore gig on 4th August on a Thursday at Zeal to help support this cause. Check it out here if you're interested!
Our brothers and sisters need our help!

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me too! It worked =] I pray that this joy will continue. Please hit me up if you need prayer or just a chat. No one really talks to me on here and I love it when people do...I don't bite. Just nibble.

Currently listening to: The Smashing Pumpkins - 1979

Pass The Bucket 2.

Believe it or not, I am in more debt now and I have been getting more bad luck. I pray to God that He will provide and that I can trust Him instead of worrying so much. If you are the praying type, I would appreciate it so much if you prayed for me too.
Anyway, here's another video that inspired me. I am astounded that a man who was so successful in the world's eyes doing BMX can sit in a wheelchair, paralyzed from the neck down, say 'Thank you God.' It forces you to look at your own life. Suddenly the things you complain and moan about don't seem so significant.

Pass The Bucket - Stephen Murray from Off The Wall TV on Vimeo.

Pass The Bucket.

I was always fascinated with skaters, particularly the Z Boys who pioneered skating to an extreme and dangerous level in the 70's. A film named Lords of Dogtown was made about them, and it is no surprise that it is one of my favourite movies. One of the Z boys was Tony Alva, who in the film was depicted as an arrogant and striving man. In the video below, it shows him many years later, but changed. He has become humbled by God. To me this is incredible. An egotistic man who tried to fill the void is his heart with wordly things has become a selfless man giving it up for free, for love. Check it out.

Pass The Bucket with Tony Alva from Off The Wall TV on Vimeo.

Seperation anxiety.

I came back from a retreat in beautiful Ngongotaha on Sunday. Me and my youth group enjoyed amazing food, scenery and fellowship. One thing that I particularly enjoyed was talking to a friend about the sins and troubles I was dealing with in my life. She said to me, something along the lines of, 'You try make everybody happy, but you have to ask yourself, 'What makes me happy?'

Sometimes when I feel hurt or sad or angry, I need to feel the cold wind on my skin (with a smoke and tea on top of that). It's a perfect way for me to clear my head and, I guess, progress in my life. Tonite I did just that. Thinking about what my friend said, I realised that I needed to cut the crap out of my life - people that only bring me down and habits that only make things worse. I'm going to hold on to what keeps me warm inside. I'm going to do what makes me happy, I thought.

Yet it is so hard when I'm only 18 and I already have debts coming out of nowhere this year. On top of my course, I can't pay for a $400 fine and owe someone $200 for the towing company (I stupidly took my dad's car to town and the key broke). This just gives me a panic attack. My family have been on my back about everything and it seems like I have no one to go to. My eyes have been greatly opened about who my true friends are - the ones who actually care and want to listen to your problems. In a world of increasing selfishness and pride, the ones who love and care are hard for me to find.

As I was watching the stars above me and feeling the chill wind seep through my clothes onto my skin, I decided once again to give all my problems to God. Even though I complain and blame him for all this pain, I trust Him. I do. Everything in my life that has happened or is happening God has allowed. The thing is, I try to pass these trials with my own strength when the beautiful thing is, I could have drawn on His strength, His protection, His providence. That's what I pray I do. That, and also focusing on the good things in my life.
Sometimes our problems make us short-sighted so we don't see how good God is or the blessings right in front of our eyes. It's easy to say, 'Man my life is so crap right now, nothing is going right' and so forth, but there are so many things going for us that other people would kill to have. I say this so many times (and yet I always forget it) but everyday there is food on my table, clothes to keep me warm and clean air to breathe in. It's so easy to exaggerate our problems and so hard to count our incredible blessings.

Currently listening to: Ascend The Hill - Be Thou My Vision

Fall.

There are a lot of things running through my life and my head and I don't know where to begin or even how to feel anymore. This song, however, seems to sum it up perfectly.

Sometimes this world seems bigger than it is
And I just can’t help but see it this way
And I know You’re telling me to cast my cares aside and you know I try
But these walls I’ve built just won’t let me see You
And these walls I’ve built just won’t let me hear You
And these walls are just walls I’ve built between You and me.

If I could see You, if I could hear You
Then I’d know I need You just as before
Cause I’ve barricaded these tendencies
My selfish pride, these things inside, they always get the best of me
Show me love, teach me truth, break my heart and bring me back to You
Take these dreams, this is me, all I am here at Your feet
Take me as I am, with You I want to be
Of all this world it’s you I wanna see
So I’m here on my knees.

I need only to see Your face again
I need only to hear Your voice again
I have only all I am, all I am
And all I am is all I have in You
So I fall on my knees again
These walls are just I’ve built between You and me
I fall on my knees again.

Survival crashes down on me.

Sometimes life can be so dumb. I have to pay almost $3000 in a week, and I have no idea how I am going to do it. I am still so very heartbroken and angry. My dad wants to kick me out of the house on account of me smoking and drinking, which my mum is also quite angry about by the way. My dog who I loved was given away. I'm being put down in so many ways it's tiring.

I don't feel pretty or okay right now.

Currently listening to: Terror - Survival