This band is way underrated.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Cried all night til' there was nothing more. What use am I as a heap on the floor?
Do you ever get that feeling when you just know you fucked something up real bad? When you wonder if the decision you made was the right one? I'm sitting in bed at 3.30am, feeling like a mess.
I wish with all my heart that I can just pack my bags up right now, get on a plane and travel to somewhere beautiful and unknown and leave this place and these people and these problems.
I cannot describe what I am feeling properly. I am tired and I am scared.
I cannot describe what I am feeling properly. I am tired and I am scared.
Currently listening to: She and Him (ft. Zooey Deschanel & M. Ward) - Sentimental HeartSaturday, June 25, 2011
Why can't you want me like the other boys do? They stare at me while I stare at you.
First, I got accepted into the Bible course I applied for this year! it takes 6 months, and as I have mentioned in a previous post, it requires me to not smoke, do drugs and refrain from alcohol addiction. I said if I got into this course I will try to do it, and I am going to rely on God's strength to help me do that.
Second, I decided to finish my sobriety/giving up the things I love a week early. It wasn't even for an acceptable reason - I was simply bored. I felt it was a good experience however. I didn't really succeed with only watching for half an hour max, spending less time on the laptop, and spending money on food, but I'm proud to say I said no to drugs, smoking and drinking! It also gave me freedom to spend more quiet time with God. It was a nice time to think about things and go on bushwalks, but feel like I'm back to square one now since I stopped my sobriety. Things are messy again. If anything, it has taught me the value of having no technology and entertainment.
Today I am going to sketch and listen to lots of music. I am in love with the band Terror! I am running on 6 hours sleep in the last two days, so I might slip a nap in there aswell.
Peace out!
Currently listening to: Amy Winehouse - Me & Mr. Jones
Second, I decided to finish my sobriety/giving up the things I love a week early. It wasn't even for an acceptable reason - I was simply bored. I felt it was a good experience however. I didn't really succeed with only watching for half an hour max, spending less time on the laptop, and spending money on food, but I'm proud to say I said no to drugs, smoking and drinking! It also gave me freedom to spend more quiet time with God. It was a nice time to think about things and go on bushwalks, but feel like I'm back to square one now since I stopped my sobriety. Things are messy again. If anything, it has taught me the value of having no technology and entertainment.
Today I am going to sketch and listen to lots of music. I am in love with the band Terror! I am running on 6 hours sleep in the last two days, so I might slip a nap in there aswell.
Peace out!
Currently listening to: Amy Winehouse - Me & Mr. Jones
"Recently I was at breakfast with a few friends and I brought up the topic of romance and difficulties in ‘wooing’ a female companion. I mentioned how I had no real idea (or desire to know) of how to ‘pick up chicks’ then most likely made a quip regarding eternal solitude. Comments made in response to my cries of frustration? “You have to be a dick to girls and you’re too picky”.
What was being said was that I’m too nice and should lower my standards. That being mean to girls is a sure fire way to get them to like you, and that I shouldn’t look for the girl of my dreams, but to be happy with mediocrity in love. This is probably the worst advice I’ve ever been given regarding romance. Apparently my kindness and knowing what I want in a partner are negative attributes… Really?
There are enough sleazy, pricks out there, hitting on, groping and treating women poorly already, I refuse to join the pool. We’ve all been to the Ivy, Hugo’s or somewhere in Bondi… Aren’t there enough of these guys out there? Is this really how females respond to potential partners? Maybe this is more of a relative issue; as only those kind of girls respond to those kind of guys. Who knows.
I’ve heard females complain that there are no ‘real men’ in this town. Assuming the following; by ‘real men’ they mean well mannered, honest, motivated and hard working males. Males that respect women, respect their peers and are respected in turn. Men that are holding onto the last threads of chivalry and romance. So why then is there this overwhelming acceptance of men who treat their girls terribly? It’s only encouraging the poor behaviour of men further, and perpetuating issues in finding genuine love.
So what is it that women are really after? A bad boy? A real man? A jerk? One who’ll treat them mean in the beginning winning their favour for not playing straight into their hands, only later to turn into prince charming once proved worthy? Games!
This does leads me to another point though. Honesty in the act of falling in love. Say I was to take this advice and treat a young lady poorly, against my better nature, to win her affection. What then? What happens when the guise is lifted down the track and I’m not the person she fell in love with, or I her? Who have I really fallen in love with and who have I given to fall for? I believe it’s an insecurity that’s riddled through our generation, an insecurity of really being yourself, of being vulnerable. The horror of rejection crippling our betterselves into behaving how they would want us to behave, not how we would naturally. We’re taught to not be excited or over enthusiastic in love, feigned apathy being the preferred method of behaviour. Fuck that. If there’s one thing in this world you should lose your shit for, it’s love.
When falling for another, one should be naught but the truest of themselves. Be insecure and vulnerable, be cautious and nervous. Be a dick or a c*nt if you actually are one. Own up the real person you are and have faith in that by being yourself you’ll find the right one. But most of all, jump. Jump & fall, fall spectacularly and give everything over. If you fail, you fail, but you’ll do it with fucking 10's on your scorecard."
YY x
(from http://blog.yimmyayo.com/)
What was being said was that I’m too nice and should lower my standards. That being mean to girls is a sure fire way to get them to like you, and that I shouldn’t look for the girl of my dreams, but to be happy with mediocrity in love. This is probably the worst advice I’ve ever been given regarding romance. Apparently my kindness and knowing what I want in a partner are negative attributes… Really?
There are enough sleazy, pricks out there, hitting on, groping and treating women poorly already, I refuse to join the pool. We’ve all been to the Ivy, Hugo’s or somewhere in Bondi… Aren’t there enough of these guys out there? Is this really how females respond to potential partners? Maybe this is more of a relative issue; as only those kind of girls respond to those kind of guys. Who knows.
I’ve heard females complain that there are no ‘real men’ in this town. Assuming the following; by ‘real men’ they mean well mannered, honest, motivated and hard working males. Males that respect women, respect their peers and are respected in turn. Men that are holding onto the last threads of chivalry and romance. So why then is there this overwhelming acceptance of men who treat their girls terribly? It’s only encouraging the poor behaviour of men further, and perpetuating issues in finding genuine love.
So what is it that women are really after? A bad boy? A real man? A jerk? One who’ll treat them mean in the beginning winning their favour for not playing straight into their hands, only later to turn into prince charming once proved worthy? Games!
This does leads me to another point though. Honesty in the act of falling in love. Say I was to take this advice and treat a young lady poorly, against my better nature, to win her affection. What then? What happens when the guise is lifted down the track and I’m not the person she fell in love with, or I her? Who have I really fallen in love with and who have I given to fall for? I believe it’s an insecurity that’s riddled through our generation, an insecurity of really being yourself, of being vulnerable. The horror of rejection crippling our betterselves into behaving how they would want us to behave, not how we would naturally. We’re taught to not be excited or over enthusiastic in love, feigned apathy being the preferred method of behaviour. Fuck that. If there’s one thing in this world you should lose your shit for, it’s love.
When falling for another, one should be naught but the truest of themselves. Be insecure and vulnerable, be cautious and nervous. Be a dick or a c*nt if you actually are one. Own up the real person you are and have faith in that by being yourself you’ll find the right one. But most of all, jump. Jump & fall, fall spectacularly and give everything over. If you fail, you fail, but you’ll do it with fucking 10's on your scorecard."
YY x
(from http://blog.yimmyayo.com/)
Friday, June 24, 2011
7000.
Tonite I was crying in bed, and my dog who was sleeping next to me, looked up, cocked his head and came up and lied down on my chest. It's amazing how animals just know.
Anyway, a lil' update on my life. Well, it's obvious I am quite sad about something. It's been rough. What in the world can make you genuinely happy? I found that meeting cool, new people, boys, new clothes, food and even music can't. Sure, they help a great deal in life, but they cannot be the sole source of your happiness. The pursuit of happiness it not real or necessary. Otherwise, friends and family have been going real well. I had a special day with my mum where we had a facial and dinner, and it was the most genuine bonding we have had together, ever. I'm pretty stoked.
Here's another video I this re-watched this morning to inspire you and hopefully kick your apathy out the door. It really makes me want to punch a hole in the wall! To watch, click here.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
We give away our worth, and I am spent.
I try to get over you, but I always turn around and come crawling back again. No matter how many times I tell myself the truth, the lies always seem to taste better. I wish I never met you or got to know you. You are making me weak and I hate it.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
I'm losing sleep, I'm losing friends.
Last night I had a fitful sleep, but it was the longest sleep I had in a while. I dreamt of dead people, getting attacked by a strange creature and the end of the world. It seemed like I woke up every hour, fall asleep for what seemed like hours, then wake up again only to realise a mere few minutes had passed. This morning I woke up feverish. Sleep is such a disturbing thing for me these days.
Anyway, today I listened to some hardcore and it got me thinking as it always makes me do. Sometimes I'll go to shows or listen to a hardcore band that promotes negativity. They sing about anger and depression, it's always f this and f that. They think the world owes them something, but nothing was theirs to begin with. I understand this, yet I get into that mindset sometimes. I'll say, 'this was taken away from me' or 'I never had this or that, and I hate people who do.' Depression is such an easy, deadly thing to slip into. It's days like today I feel like I can't make it through life. I want to be comfortable in my own apathy, but the thing is that it's not so comfortable. Life is stuck on repeat. You go to University, you settle into a stable career, you marry and have kids and dedicate the rest of your life to your family, send them off to get disappointed with life, then work until you retire then die. You can aquire everything you want to acquire, but in the end you lose it all.
Today, life is meaningless and trivial, but I type this knowing life is also beautiful.
Currently listening to: Cruel Hand - Broken Glass
Anyway, today I listened to some hardcore and it got me thinking as it always makes me do. Sometimes I'll go to shows or listen to a hardcore band that promotes negativity. They sing about anger and depression, it's always f this and f that. They think the world owes them something, but nothing was theirs to begin with. I understand this, yet I get into that mindset sometimes. I'll say, 'this was taken away from me' or 'I never had this or that, and I hate people who do.' Depression is such an easy, deadly thing to slip into. It's days like today I feel like I can't make it through life. I want to be comfortable in my own apathy, but the thing is that it's not so comfortable. Life is stuck on repeat. You go to University, you settle into a stable career, you marry and have kids and dedicate the rest of your life to your family, send them off to get disappointed with life, then work until you retire then die. You can aquire everything you want to acquire, but in the end you lose it all.
Today, life is meaningless and trivial, but I type this knowing life is also beautiful.
Currently listening to: Cruel Hand - Broken GlassFriday, June 17, 2011
Spend it all.
My life is not mine. I do not live to acquire money, success, education, friends and fame. My ambitions and dreams are in line with His because the goal of my life is not happiness or contentedness. The goal of my life is not to see promises fulfilled or see a greater change for good in the world. I simply live to glorify God, to let Him love me and love Him in return. Though I may have to surrender to God 50 times a day, I know the rewards in the end will be far greater than I hope for. "I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to accept whatever He wants."
Luke 1:38
Thursday, June 16, 2011
I can't win.
Tonite I took another sleeping pill, but instead of half like the doctor told me to, I took a whole one. AND I'M STILL AWAKE. I think it's safe to say my insomnia kicked temazepam's butt! In all seriousness, I'm getting sick of not being able to sleep properly.
Anyway, have a read of this:
I sent an email because as the vote is tomorrow, it's a bit late to ring the Minister of Foreign Affairs and Trade! Ring them or email them too, it will be awesome to see the violence against LGBT stop!
Currently listening to: Lights - Saviour
Anyway, have a read of this:
"From social exclusion, to “corrective rape” of lesbians, to transphobic murders around the world, LGBT (lesbian gay bisexual transgender) people are disproportionate victims of discrimination, violence and criminalization. It’s not right, but it’s also far from inevitable. We have a chance to change this story—if we act together in the next 24 hours.
On Friday, the United Nations will vote on an historic resolution to protect LGBT rights, sending a message at the highest level to countries that refuse to protect our ability to live and love freely. If it passes, it will commit the U.N. to present concrete steps to stop violence, torture, stigmatisation and abuse against people because of their sexuality or gender identity.
The vote will come down to the wire and many nations are undecided. It’s critical that the foreign office in your country hears from you right now. Will you call your ministry of foreign affairs and ask them to Vote YES on Friday?
It’s really easy to make a call and only takes 2 minutes. You can find the number and a quick script, here:
This resolution won't end violence against LGBT people overnight, but it will send a forceful and long overdue message. The recognition of the right of all people to live and love freely by an organization as influential and powerful as the United Nations will create a shared global responsibility to eliminate state sanctioned violence and discrimination in every corner of the world.
There are many people who deny that violence against LGBT people is even a problem. This resolution will prove that this is a problem that cannot be ignored, and will compel the High Commissioner for Human Rights to run a comprehensive study exposing abuses against LGBT people around the world that are too often hidden from view. This landmark study will pave the way for the U.N to push for concrete steps that protect LGBT people.
We have less than 24 hours to make sure that countries vote YES to this historic resolution. Will you take a minute to make a call to your foreign office?"
I think it's awesome what this group is doing. You can find more information about them and their campaign by clicking on www.allout.org.I sent an email because as the vote is tomorrow, it's a bit late to ring the Minister of Foreign Affairs and Trade! Ring them or email them too, it will be awesome to see the violence against LGBT stop!
Currently listening to: Lights - SaviourTemazepam, you are not good to me.
It is 6.30 a.m and I havn't had any sleep, even though I took a sleeping pill! Yeah, they don't work. I will try taking more next time. Anyway, here's another survey I did to bore you with.
Basics:
First Name: Jenny
Middle Name: Don't have one.
Birthday: 14 October 1992.
Eyes: Dark brown.
Hair: Black, but sometimes in the light it looks like a dark brown.
Favourite color: Black for sure.
Day/Night: Day for the birds and sun and trees, night for the moon and stars and insomnia.
Favourite food: Sushi, avocado, Italian and alot more. Food is the love of my life!
Friends and life:
Do you ever wish you had another name? No, I havn't thought about that so much. Plus, I like my name meaning :)
Do you like anyone? Nope, thank goodness! Having a crush takes the mickey out of you sometimes.
Which one of your friends acts the most like you? I think me and my friends are like different flavours of the same flavour.
Who's the loudest? Hmm...I don't know. My friends aren't really loud. I guess Ling would be the loudest though ha!
Who have you known the longest of your friends? I have known my friend Beverley for 9 years now :)
Who's the shyest? Jayesh is quite shy when he doesn't know anyone...but other than that I don't really have shy friends!
Are you close to any family members? Only my younger sister Sarah.
When did you cry the most? I think in total it would be over this boy, very recently. My friend once said to me, there is only so much tears you can cry over a boy. And I think it's true.
What's the best feeling in the world? When you are completely content with who you are and who you have around you.
What's the worst feeling? When you think about someone you love dying one day, or, being heartbroken.
Finish each sentence:
Let's walk on the: moon!
Let's run through: the field full of flowers.
Let's look at the: stars, then the sunrise.
What a nice: day.
Where did all the: cadbury creme eggs go? :(
Why can't you: tell me?!
Silly, little: dog.
Tell me: everything about you :)
Have you:
Ran away from home? Yes, when I was very young because I got in trouble for something.
Pictured your crush naked? Ha, guilty.
Skipped school? Yes, plenty of times haha.
Broken someone's heart? I hope not!
Been in love? Yes, with everything but boys ha.
Cried when someone died? Sure, when my cousin died a few years ago.
Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have? Yep, and it sucks.
Done something embarrassing? I'm a walking embarrassment! I could tell you lots of stories about me doing embarrassing things haha.
Done a drug? Yes, only one type though.
Cried in school? Yep, in primary I think.
Random:
Your good luck charm: Nothing. I don't believe in good luck but that everything happens for a reason.
Person you hate most: I don't hate anyoneeeee.
Best thing that has happened: Hmm...being given life is the best thing that has happened!
Favourite ice-cream: Green tea! So good.
Who makes you laugh the most: Jayesh, or Sarah :)
Who has a crush on you: I'm not sure. No one tells me ha!
Do you have a crush on someone: Nope.
Have you ever:
Fallen for your best friend? I used to have a crush on someone who I am good friends with now when we were just beginning to be friends.
Made out with JUST a friend? Yes.
Kissed two people in the same day? Umm...nope.
Had sex with two different people in the same day? Whoa, no! Haha.
Been rejected? Yesiree.
Been in love? I answered this question...
Been used? Yes, one of the most hurtful feelings ever :(
Done something you regret? No regrets!
Cheated on someone? Nope.
Been called a tease? Ahh no. I've been called a heart breaker, but I am pretty sure that was a joke.
Who was the last person:
You touched? My sister.
You talked to on the phone? A man from MTC about an interview.
You hugged? A lady from MTC.
You instant messaged? Bianca.
You kissed? A boy.
You yelled at? No comment.
Who text messaged you? Bianca.
Who broke your heart? No comment.
Who told you they loved you? Sarah <3
P.s. I have 1 week and 6 days of my sobriety to go! :)
Basics:
First Name: Jenny
Middle Name: Don't have one.
Birthday: 14 October 1992.
Eyes: Dark brown.
Hair: Black, but sometimes in the light it looks like a dark brown.
Favourite color: Black for sure.
Day/Night: Day for the birds and sun and trees, night for the moon and stars and insomnia.
Favourite food: Sushi, avocado, Italian and alot more. Food is the love of my life!
Friends and life:
Do you ever wish you had another name? No, I havn't thought about that so much. Plus, I like my name meaning :)
Do you like anyone? Nope, thank goodness! Having a crush takes the mickey out of you sometimes.
Which one of your friends acts the most like you? I think me and my friends are like different flavours of the same flavour.
Who's the loudest? Hmm...I don't know. My friends aren't really loud. I guess Ling would be the loudest though ha!
Who have you known the longest of your friends? I have known my friend Beverley for 9 years now :)
Who's the shyest? Jayesh is quite shy when he doesn't know anyone...but other than that I don't really have shy friends!
Are you close to any family members? Only my younger sister Sarah.
When did you cry the most? I think in total it would be over this boy, very recently. My friend once said to me, there is only so much tears you can cry over a boy. And I think it's true.
What's the best feeling in the world? When you are completely content with who you are and who you have around you.
What's the worst feeling? When you think about someone you love dying one day, or, being heartbroken.
Finish each sentence:
Let's walk on the: moon!
Let's run through: the field full of flowers.
Let's look at the: stars, then the sunrise.
What a nice: day.
Where did all the: cadbury creme eggs go? :(
Why can't you: tell me?!
Silly, little: dog.
Tell me: everything about you :)
Have you:
Ran away from home? Yes, when I was very young because I got in trouble for something.
Pictured your crush naked? Ha, guilty.
Skipped school? Yes, plenty of times haha.
Broken someone's heart? I hope not!
Been in love? Yes, with everything but boys ha.
Cried when someone died? Sure, when my cousin died a few years ago.
Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have? Yep, and it sucks.
Done something embarrassing? I'm a walking embarrassment! I could tell you lots of stories about me doing embarrassing things haha.
Done a drug? Yes, only one type though.
Cried in school? Yep, in primary I think.
Random:
Your good luck charm: Nothing. I don't believe in good luck but that everything happens for a reason.
Person you hate most: I don't hate anyoneeeee.
Best thing that has happened: Hmm...being given life is the best thing that has happened!
Favourite ice-cream: Green tea! So good.
Who makes you laugh the most: Jayesh, or Sarah :)
Who has a crush on you: I'm not sure. No one tells me ha!
Do you have a crush on someone: Nope.
Have you ever:
Fallen for your best friend? I used to have a crush on someone who I am good friends with now when we were just beginning to be friends.
Made out with JUST a friend? Yes.
Kissed two people in the same day? Umm...nope.
Had sex with two different people in the same day? Whoa, no! Haha.
Been rejected? Yesiree.
Been in love? I answered this question...
Been used? Yes, one of the most hurtful feelings ever :(
Done something you regret? No regrets!
Cheated on someone? Nope.
Been called a tease? Ahh no. I've been called a heart breaker, but I am pretty sure that was a joke.
Who was the last person:
You touched? My sister.
You talked to on the phone? A man from MTC about an interview.
You hugged? A lady from MTC.
You instant messaged? Bianca.
You kissed? A boy.
You yelled at? No comment.
Who text messaged you? Bianca.
Who broke your heart? No comment.
Who told you they loved you? Sarah <3
P.s. I have 1 week and 6 days of my sobriety to go! :)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
A little rain.
Lately things have been challenging. I've been forced to realise what I stand for and what I am made of inside. It's when the fire burns that it strips away all the excess to reveal what is important inside.
I recently went for an interview at the Ministry Training College I wanted to do this year. I felt a little under pressure as two people nodded at what I said and wrote them down in their papers. It was as if I was under examination of my life, my Christian life. They would say, 'I see you did drugs...' 'Do you go to a lot of house parties?' 'Do you have a lot of friends who smoke and drink?' 'So you go to concerts all the time?' 'What do you think about pre-marital sex?' 'Are you going to quit smoking? Why do you want to quit?'
Because I felt uncomfortable and pressured, I answered some of those questions untruthfully. Why did I feel the need to lie? It was as if I was ashamed of what I did and who I am. It was as if I had something to prove. It was as if I was a horrible christian because I did all of these things. The two interviewers were awfully nice people, but, dare I say it, I felt judged. To be honest, I was more ashamed about lying than who I was.
I am not afraid of who I am and what I have done. It has made me a much more experienced and empathetic person, and I have made many cool friends through these house parties and concerts, and even through smoking. I don't know why I lied. I think I didn't want them to think I was a bad person because I did all of those things.
I said to myself while driving back home, If this is what God wants me to do, I'll do it, and I will try to change for the better. I will try give up smoking and drinking and the odd drug. But all those things are already on auto-pilot. It's no use trying to force these things out of my life because it will just turn around to the same place I began. It requires a complete inner change of my mind to be able to turn away from these things (Romans 12:2). I know God will help me do this if he lets me get accepted in MTC.
So, I guess what I wanted to say is to never be ashamed about who you are and what you have done. If it is truthful, say yes when someone asks you if you smoke, or drink, or had sex before marriage or whatever you do or have done that is looked down upon by pretentious Christians. It is those experiences that shaped you into the strong person you are today. Those people who judge you forget that they themselves are equally as sinful and flawed and that they don't deserve grace as much as the next person. They do not have the right to judge your life! Only God does, and we should live according to the respect that comes from fearing Him. Whatever they say or do, let it slide like a water off a duck's back. It is not your weight to hold so hold your head high. Don't let them change you to what they want you to be, but be proud of who you are.
Currently listening to: Passion Pit - To Kingdom Come
I recently went for an interview at the Ministry Training College I wanted to do this year. I felt a little under pressure as two people nodded at what I said and wrote them down in their papers. It was as if I was under examination of my life, my Christian life. They would say, 'I see you did drugs...' 'Do you go to a lot of house parties?' 'Do you have a lot of friends who smoke and drink?' 'So you go to concerts all the time?' 'What do you think about pre-marital sex?' 'Are you going to quit smoking? Why do you want to quit?'
Because I felt uncomfortable and pressured, I answered some of those questions untruthfully. Why did I feel the need to lie? It was as if I was ashamed of what I did and who I am. It was as if I had something to prove. It was as if I was a horrible christian because I did all of these things. The two interviewers were awfully nice people, but, dare I say it, I felt judged. To be honest, I was more ashamed about lying than who I was.
I am not afraid of who I am and what I have done. It has made me a much more experienced and empathetic person, and I have made many cool friends through these house parties and concerts, and even through smoking. I don't know why I lied. I think I didn't want them to think I was a bad person because I did all of those things.
I said to myself while driving back home, If this is what God wants me to do, I'll do it, and I will try to change for the better. I will try give up smoking and drinking and the odd drug. But all those things are already on auto-pilot. It's no use trying to force these things out of my life because it will just turn around to the same place I began. It requires a complete inner change of my mind to be able to turn away from these things (Romans 12:2). I know God will help me do this if he lets me get accepted in MTC.
So, I guess what I wanted to say is to never be ashamed about who you are and what you have done. If it is truthful, say yes when someone asks you if you smoke, or drink, or had sex before marriage or whatever you do or have done that is looked down upon by pretentious Christians. It is those experiences that shaped you into the strong person you are today. Those people who judge you forget that they themselves are equally as sinful and flawed and that they don't deserve grace as much as the next person. They do not have the right to judge your life! Only God does, and we should live according to the respect that comes from fearing Him. Whatever they say or do, let it slide like a water off a duck's back. It is not your weight to hold so hold your head high. Don't let them change you to what they want you to be, but be proud of who you are.
Currently listening to: Passion Pit - To Kingdom ComeSunday, June 12, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
69 Confessions
1. The phone rings; who do you want it to be?
My crush, or my best friend Anja who I havn't seen or really talked to in a while.
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Well I don't take it home with me...
3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
I'm a bit of both- although I like listening more. I'm quite shy talking in front of people I don't know very well.
4. Do you take compliments well?
Nope. I tend to get quite flustered. Most times, I don't see what those people see in me.
5. Do you play Sudoku?
Yep, when I'm extremely bored haha.
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
Any one of my friends would say I wouldn't! I would get paranoid I think.
7. Do you like to ride horses?
Yes, why not. The only time I rode a horse was when I was young, but I enjoyed it a lot.
8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Yes! I went to a few.
9. What was your favorite game as a kid?
Well, I loved playing those old school Nintendo consoles I think. I liked Playstation. I liked hide and go seek. I was a tomboy when I was younger so I liked all those boyish games.
10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it?
No way :/ That's not cool at all.
11. Have you lied to get out of a date?
Kind of...I've lied when people ask me out or hit on me before.
12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
I wouldn't mind too much if someone I was seeing wasn't christian, but I am more attracted to guys who are christian anyway.
13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
Be pursued. I've had enough of pursueing.
14. Use three words to describe yourself?
Laid-back, down-to-earth, independant.
15. Do any songs make you cry?
Yes, Underoath's 'Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Other's Escape'- not all of the time though, but sometimes when I'm in a sad mood.
16. Are you continuing your education?
Yes, hopefully at AUT and MTC.
17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
Nope, but it would be fun to learn I think.
18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
Materiallisticly, I would proabably grap my laptop...or my camera. Just because my laptop has all my music and memories of me and people, and my camera because it's expensive.
19. How often do you read books?
When I was in high school I read all the time, but nowadays I don't read books often. I want to and I try to though. I actually should get a book out since things are pretty boring these days.
20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
Past for sure. It's a bad habit.
21. What is your favorite children's book?
I love anything by Roald Dahl, but especially B.F.G and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
22. What color are your eyes?
Dark brown.
23. How tall are you?
5'0.
24. Where is your dream house located?
Somewhere by a lake, a busy city, a bush walk and a beach. I would love to live in France for a while.
25. Do you have a secret fetish?
I don't think so. It's not really a secret but I love Cadbury Creme Eggs!
26. Have you tried sushi?
Yep, I love it!
27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Yes, it brings back good memories.
29. When was the last time you were at Church?
Two Sundays ago.
30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
Outside my front door? Haha I didn't go anywhere today.
31. What was your favorite job?
I really enjoyed working at Smiggle. It was colourful and fresh and I got discounts. Also, lots of cute kids came in!
32. Do you like mustard?
Sure, especially with hot dogs.
33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
This is such a hard question haha. Ah, I don't know! I love doing both immensely.
34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
I actually look like my dad! But I have my mum's round face shape.
35. How long does it take you in the shower?
10 minutes, but on cold days it's nice to stay in there a little longer.
36. Can you do the splits?
Nope.
37. What movie do you want to see right now?
The first thing that came into my mind was Black Swan.
38. If you could fast forward your life, would you?
No, life is going fast enough as it is.
39. What did you do for New Year's?
I was in China in this really lovely touristy village. I was with my tour group and my mum, auntie, uncle and family friends in a karoke club. We drunk, ate and danced and laughed. My mum even danced to 'Sexy Chick' by Akon with a random white guy! It was such a fun and halarious night. I even got a little drunk and had a massive hangover the next day haha. It was refreshing doing it in another country with adults who knew how to have a good time.
40. Do you think The Grudge was scary?
I've only seen bits of it as I was a sook back then, but now I can watch scary movies like nothing so I'll check it out one day.
41. Could you relate to a character in Mean Girls?
Hmm, I don't think I can...
42. Do you own a camera phone?
Yup, it seems like everyone does these days.
43. Do you have an "ex box" with pics and letters from past lovers?
I never really had past lovers so nope.
44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
Lol crack up.
45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
I don't have a middle name.
45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
Same answer as above.
47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Some nights/most nights, 0-3 hours, other nights, 8-12.
48. Do you like Care Bears?
They're alrite.
49. What do you buy at the movies?
Like food? Popcorn, drink, ice-cream, lollies usually.
50. Do you know how to play poker?
Nope, but I'm not a fan of gambling.
51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Yes, when I'm in the front seat, but when I'm in the back seat I only wear it sometimes.
52. What do you wear to sleep?
Usually just my underwear and an old top.
53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?
Well, I would say my hometown is Papatoetoe and not Pusan, so yes! Apparantly India won the Cricket World Cup, so there was celebrating on the streets because my town is pretty made up of Indians haha.
54. How many meals do you eat a day?
Around 4, but I snack constantly.
55. Is your tongue pierced?
Nope.
56. Ever meet anyone you met on Myspace?
Nope, I used Bebo more and met someone on there too :)
57. Do you read myspace bulletins?
When I used it, I sometimes did.
58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Oh definitely funny! It's my kryptonite. I can't really stand serious people.
59. Ever been to L.A.?
No.
60. Did you eat a cookie today?
Nah.
61. Do you use cuss words in other languages?
Haha sometimes, when I'm joking around and in a silly mood.
62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
Download. I'm real bad :(
63. Do you hate chocolate?
I don't hate it, but I don't love it either.
64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
No comment.
65. Are you a gullible person?
I can usually tell when I can trust someone, but I think most of the time I'm not.
67. If you could have any job what would it be?
Photo journalist/travel photographer, event organiser, music journalist...ahh so many things haha.
68. Are you easy to get along with?
I think I am!
69. What is your favorite time of day?
Night time, but generally anytime I am eating haha.
My crush, or my best friend Anja who I havn't seen or really talked to in a while.
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Well I don't take it home with me...
3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
I'm a bit of both- although I like listening more. I'm quite shy talking in front of people I don't know very well.
4. Do you take compliments well?
Nope. I tend to get quite flustered. Most times, I don't see what those people see in me.
5. Do you play Sudoku?
Yep, when I'm extremely bored haha.
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
Any one of my friends would say I wouldn't! I would get paranoid I think.
7. Do you like to ride horses?
Yes, why not. The only time I rode a horse was when I was young, but I enjoyed it a lot.
8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Yes! I went to a few.
9. What was your favorite game as a kid?
Well, I loved playing those old school Nintendo consoles I think. I liked Playstation. I liked hide and go seek. I was a tomboy when I was younger so I liked all those boyish games.
10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it?
No way :/ That's not cool at all.
11. Have you lied to get out of a date?
Kind of...I've lied when people ask me out or hit on me before.
12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
I wouldn't mind too much if someone I was seeing wasn't christian, but I am more attracted to guys who are christian anyway.
13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
Be pursued. I've had enough of pursueing.
14. Use three words to describe yourself?
Laid-back, down-to-earth, independant.
15. Do any songs make you cry?
Yes, Underoath's 'Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Other's Escape'- not all of the time though, but sometimes when I'm in a sad mood.
16. Are you continuing your education?
Yes, hopefully at AUT and MTC.
17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
Nope, but it would be fun to learn I think.
18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
Materiallisticly, I would proabably grap my laptop...or my camera. Just because my laptop has all my music and memories of me and people, and my camera because it's expensive.
19. How often do you read books?
When I was in high school I read all the time, but nowadays I don't read books often. I want to and I try to though. I actually should get a book out since things are pretty boring these days.
20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
Past for sure. It's a bad habit.
21. What is your favorite children's book?
I love anything by Roald Dahl, but especially B.F.G and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
22. What color are your eyes?
Dark brown.
23. How tall are you?
5'0.
24. Where is your dream house located?
Somewhere by a lake, a busy city, a bush walk and a beach. I would love to live in France for a while.
25. Do you have a secret fetish?
I don't think so. It's not really a secret but I love Cadbury Creme Eggs!
26. Have you tried sushi?
Yep, I love it!
27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Yes, it brings back good memories.
29. When was the last time you were at Church?
Two Sundays ago.
30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
Outside my front door? Haha I didn't go anywhere today.
31. What was your favorite job?
I really enjoyed working at Smiggle. It was colourful and fresh and I got discounts. Also, lots of cute kids came in!
32. Do you like mustard?
Sure, especially with hot dogs.
33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
This is such a hard question haha. Ah, I don't know! I love doing both immensely.
34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
I actually look like my dad! But I have my mum's round face shape.
35. How long does it take you in the shower?
10 minutes, but on cold days it's nice to stay in there a little longer.
36. Can you do the splits?
Nope.
37. What movie do you want to see right now?
The first thing that came into my mind was Black Swan.
38. If you could fast forward your life, would you?
No, life is going fast enough as it is.
39. What did you do for New Year's?
I was in China in this really lovely touristy village. I was with my tour group and my mum, auntie, uncle and family friends in a karoke club. We drunk, ate and danced and laughed. My mum even danced to 'Sexy Chick' by Akon with a random white guy! It was such a fun and halarious night. I even got a little drunk and had a massive hangover the next day haha. It was refreshing doing it in another country with adults who knew how to have a good time.
40. Do you think The Grudge was scary?
I've only seen bits of it as I was a sook back then, but now I can watch scary movies like nothing so I'll check it out one day.
41. Could you relate to a character in Mean Girls?
Hmm, I don't think I can...
42. Do you own a camera phone?
Yup, it seems like everyone does these days.
43. Do you have an "ex box" with pics and letters from past lovers?
I never really had past lovers so nope.
44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
Lol crack up.
45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
I don't have a middle name.
45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
Same answer as above.
47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Some nights/most nights, 0-3 hours, other nights, 8-12.
48. Do you like Care Bears?
They're alrite.
49. What do you buy at the movies?
Like food? Popcorn, drink, ice-cream, lollies usually.
50. Do you know how to play poker?
Nope, but I'm not a fan of gambling.
51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Yes, when I'm in the front seat, but when I'm in the back seat I only wear it sometimes.
52. What do you wear to sleep?
Usually just my underwear and an old top.
53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?
Well, I would say my hometown is Papatoetoe and not Pusan, so yes! Apparantly India won the Cricket World Cup, so there was celebrating on the streets because my town is pretty made up of Indians haha.
54. How many meals do you eat a day?
Around 4, but I snack constantly.
55. Is your tongue pierced?
Nope.
56. Ever meet anyone you met on Myspace?
Nope, I used Bebo more and met someone on there too :)
57. Do you read myspace bulletins?
When I used it, I sometimes did.
58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Oh definitely funny! It's my kryptonite. I can't really stand serious people.
59. Ever been to L.A.?
No.
60. Did you eat a cookie today?
Nah.
61. Do you use cuss words in other languages?
Haha sometimes, when I'm joking around and in a silly mood.
62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
Download. I'm real bad :(
63. Do you hate chocolate?
I don't hate it, but I don't love it either.
64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
No comment.
65. Are you a gullible person?
I can usually tell when I can trust someone, but I think most of the time I'm not.
67. If you could have any job what would it be?
Photo journalist/travel photographer, event organiser, music journalist...ahh so many things haha.
68. Are you easy to get along with?
I think I am!
69. What is your favorite time of day?
Night time, but generally anytime I am eating haha.
Currently listening to: Bon Iver - Wash.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Why want for more?
I took a bush walk this afternoon after I had lunch with a friend. I have been going there often lately to get my mind off things, and I am always surprised when I realise that this glorious forest is in the middle of a busy suburb and city. I walk up and up, breathing in the trees, taking in the greens and browns and listening to nearby brooks and waterfalls and birds.
I have everything. Sometimes I have to kick myself because I am so, so blessed, and know that you are too. The fact that we are breathing this very moment is alone enough to prove that. I am wealthy. Maybe not in society's eyes, but considering more than 80% of the human race lives on 10$ a day, I really am. I may have a broken and painful past, but I still have my family. I have a mum and dad who will provide for me, even though we have had our dark moments. I have great and beautiful friends. I have a God who is my everything and I have that security that he will never leave my side forever more. What good is it for me to want for more? Is it really necessary?
I apologise for making so many posts about how blessed I am, we are. I guess it will never really sink into me for good. It is far too complex to think about.
To be content with what you have and who is around you makes all the difference in the world.
Currently listening to: Sleeping At Last - Naive
I have everything. Sometimes I have to kick myself because I am so, so blessed, and know that you are too. The fact that we are breathing this very moment is alone enough to prove that. I am wealthy. Maybe not in society's eyes, but considering more than 80% of the human race lives on 10$ a day, I really am. I may have a broken and painful past, but I still have my family. I have a mum and dad who will provide for me, even though we have had our dark moments. I have great and beautiful friends. I have a God who is my everything and I have that security that he will never leave my side forever more. What good is it for me to want for more? Is it really necessary?
I apologise for making so many posts about how blessed I am, we are. I guess it will never really sink into me for good. It is far too complex to think about.
To be content with what you have and who is around you makes all the difference in the world.
Currently listening to: Sleeping At Last - NaiveTuesday, June 7, 2011
Help-Portrait: End of the Earth
"I believe this life is not about what we can get, but what we can give."
Help-Portrait is an organisation made up by photographers who shoot free portraits for people to share their art and enrich their lives. While most photographers shoot around their own communities, Sasha Leahovcenco and his crew went out of their comfort zone and traveled to Chukotka, Russia to photograph people who have never had their picture taken before. They made video of their experience which you can watch below.
Help-Portrait is an organisation made up by photographers who shoot free portraits for people to share their art and enrich their lives. While most photographers shoot around their own communities, Sasha Leahovcenco and his crew went out of their comfort zone and traveled to Chukotka, Russia to photograph people who have never had their picture taken before. They made video of their experience which you can watch below.
Help-Portrait. End of the Earth from Sasha Leahovcenco on Vimeo.
Oh, Love That Will Not Let Me Go
This is one of my favourite tracks from my favourite worship band Ascend The Hill. I tell all my christian friends about them because they take worship to the next level with their raw passion for God. They have brought me to tears while being closer to my Creator on so many accounts. ANYWAY, enough about me bragging, have a listen and be blessed!
Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go from Ascend The Hill on Vimeo.
If you are digging it, you can download their whole album for free. Click here. It will be the best download of your life (plus it's legal!).
Monday, June 6, 2011
List.
Name: Jenny Chang
Piercings: Earlobes and I recently re-pierced my nose!
Tattoos: I have a little anchor on my right wedding finger. It's special to me beause it represents hope. When I was going through my darkest time of depression, my best friend said to me, 'Don't lose hope, it's the anchhor for your soul.' And in the end, I never did.
Length: 5'0. Shorty, I know!
Shoe size: Size 7.
Hair colour: Black.
Freckles: Nope, but I think freckles are really cute!
Motto: I don't really have a motto that I live by. I think faith, hope and love are the most important things to strive for in my life though.
In love? I'm in love with my closest friends, with my sister, with the sunset and sunrises, with nature, with music and with God.
Do you wish you lived somewhere else? Sometimes I wished I lived in France or New York, and one day I would love to, but New Zealand will always be my home. I havn't seen much of the world, but I still think it is the most purest place in the world.
Do you consider yourself good-looking? I get really flustered and confused when I get a compliment on my appearance! I don't know how to respond to it in a way that would truly express my gratitude. I don't think about whether I am good looking or not, or I try not to.
What shampoo do you use? Whatever my mum buys, but I really like Sunsilk.
What are you afraid of? Losing people I love is by far my biggest fear.
Do you like roller-coasters? They are fun!
Last…
Movie you rented? Hmm, I think it would be some kind of foreign drama. I havn't rented movies in a while. I actually went to rent some tonite but we had a fine! Quite bad.
Movie you bought? I don't buy movies!
Song you heard? Quicksand by Sleeping At Last.
Song you downloaded? A Bon Iver remix.
Person you called? My mumma.
Person who called you? Joanne <3
TV-program you watched? I watched a bit of Gossip Girl yesterday, but I don't like it. I actually think the acting is quite terrible.
Person you thought of? Sarah, who is sleeping next to me at the moment heh.
Favorite…
Song: It’s an impossible question to answer to me. I really can't choose!
Things to do: Eating food is the joy of my life! Listening to good music, enjoying nature, going to shows, meeting interesting people, sleeping in a warm bed, going out with my sister, appreciating photography, helping people, laughing, going out and having a crazy night with my friends.
Sport: I hate playing sports, but my favourite to watch would probably be when the All Blacks play!
Clothes: I don't have a favourite, but I like skirts.
Movie: I love Lords of Dogtown of course. I love dramas, French films, Quentin Tarantino films...
Car: Old school ones.
TV-show: Friends forever and always!
Have you ever…
Cried over a boy? Yes.
Cried over a girl? Yes, when I was much younger over my then best friend.
Lied to anyone? Yep.
Been in a fist fight? Nope. This one time in primary though, these chicks wanted to fight me, but one of my friends generously offered to fight them for me. There was hair pulling and scratching! They all had to apologize to me in the end. I just see no need for fighting.
Been arrested? Nope.
Met someone from the Internet IRL? Oh yes, one guy I met on the net is now one of my good friends :)
Number of…
Times you’ve been in love? In love with a guy- none.
Times you’ve had your heart broken? Just once, which as you know was very recent.
Hearts been broken because of you? I'm not sure, I hope I havn't done that. Having your heart broken is a long process to deal with.
Girls you’ve kissed? Two.
Times your name has been in the newspaper? Once, I wrote a poem for the College Herald, which is a section from our national newspaper, The NZ Herald.
Last…
Book you read? I'm not sure, but I'm currently reading 'Soul Mountain' by Gao Xingjian.
Person who e-mailed you? It would probably my best friend, Anja.
Person who sent you a letter? It's been so long since I received a personal letter from someone! I think it may have been my friend Bev when we were in primary.
Person who sent you a text message? Joanne.
Time you had dinner with your whole family? We hardly sit together for dinner, if at all.
Thing you bought? A salmon meal at a sushi place.
Currently listening to: Augustana - Sunday Best
Piercings: Earlobes and I recently re-pierced my nose!
Tattoos: I have a little anchor on my right wedding finger. It's special to me beause it represents hope. When I was going through my darkest time of depression, my best friend said to me, 'Don't lose hope, it's the anchhor for your soul.' And in the end, I never did.
Length: 5'0. Shorty, I know!
Shoe size: Size 7.
Hair colour: Black.
Freckles: Nope, but I think freckles are really cute!
Motto: I don't really have a motto that I live by. I think faith, hope and love are the most important things to strive for in my life though.
In love? I'm in love with my closest friends, with my sister, with the sunset and sunrises, with nature, with music and with God.
Do you wish you lived somewhere else? Sometimes I wished I lived in France or New York, and one day I would love to, but New Zealand will always be my home. I havn't seen much of the world, but I still think it is the most purest place in the world.
Do you consider yourself good-looking? I get really flustered and confused when I get a compliment on my appearance! I don't know how to respond to it in a way that would truly express my gratitude. I don't think about whether I am good looking or not, or I try not to.
What shampoo do you use? Whatever my mum buys, but I really like Sunsilk.
What are you afraid of? Losing people I love is by far my biggest fear.
Do you like roller-coasters? They are fun!
Last…
Movie you rented? Hmm, I think it would be some kind of foreign drama. I havn't rented movies in a while. I actually went to rent some tonite but we had a fine! Quite bad.
Movie you bought? I don't buy movies!
Song you heard? Quicksand by Sleeping At Last.
Song you downloaded? A Bon Iver remix.
Person you called? My mumma.
Person who called you? Joanne <3
TV-program you watched? I watched a bit of Gossip Girl yesterday, but I don't like it. I actually think the acting is quite terrible.
Person you thought of? Sarah, who is sleeping next to me at the moment heh.
Favorite…
Song: It’s an impossible question to answer to me. I really can't choose!
Things to do: Eating food is the joy of my life! Listening to good music, enjoying nature, going to shows, meeting interesting people, sleeping in a warm bed, going out with my sister, appreciating photography, helping people, laughing, going out and having a crazy night with my friends.
Sport: I hate playing sports, but my favourite to watch would probably be when the All Blacks play!
Clothes: I don't have a favourite, but I like skirts.
Movie: I love Lords of Dogtown of course. I love dramas, French films, Quentin Tarantino films...
Car: Old school ones.
TV-show: Friends forever and always!
Have you ever…
Cried over a boy? Yes.
Cried over a girl? Yes, when I was much younger over my then best friend.
Lied to anyone? Yep.
Been in a fist fight? Nope. This one time in primary though, these chicks wanted to fight me, but one of my friends generously offered to fight them for me. There was hair pulling and scratching! They all had to apologize to me in the end. I just see no need for fighting.
Been arrested? Nope.
Met someone from the Internet IRL? Oh yes, one guy I met on the net is now one of my good friends :)
Number of…
Times you’ve been in love? In love with a guy- none.
Times you’ve had your heart broken? Just once, which as you know was very recent.
Hearts been broken because of you? I'm not sure, I hope I havn't done that. Having your heart broken is a long process to deal with.
Girls you’ve kissed? Two.
Times your name has been in the newspaper? Once, I wrote a poem for the College Herald, which is a section from our national newspaper, The NZ Herald.
Last…
Book you read? I'm not sure, but I'm currently reading 'Soul Mountain' by Gao Xingjian.
Person who e-mailed you? It would probably my best friend, Anja.
Person who sent you a letter? It's been so long since I received a personal letter from someone! I think it may have been my friend Bev when we were in primary.
Person who sent you a text message? Joanne.
Time you had dinner with your whole family? We hardly sit together for dinner, if at all.
Thing you bought? A salmon meal at a sushi place.
Currently listening to: Augustana - Sunday BestOh, hi...
All I can say is that this was a bit of a fail.
As some of you know, I took on an oath to stay off entertainment and social networking sites (including blogspot) for a month, but here I am! It's been a week but I couldn't help myself. All is not lost however - I have been staying off alcohol, drugs and smoking and I havn't been on my other main sites Facebook and Tumblr. I just thought that staying off my blogspot was unnecessary - it is my way to let out my feelings and thoughts and hopefuly inspire people who read my blog while doing so. There is no other feeling like getting a comment from someone that enjoys or is touched by what I have to say.
So how have things been going? Well, I sent in my application for Ministry Training College and am waiting to hear from them in a couple weeks time. In the meantime, I have been spending time with friends and family, hanging out with my dog recently dubbed DJ (short for Doggie Jack), watching DVDS, catching up on sleep and most awesome of all, I have been spending time with God. Most days, I sit in silence and read His Word and learn more about his will for my life. I feel more stable and content. I think it has also helped my put perspective on my recent heartbreak.
I realised that just because the boy I had trouble over was everything I wanted in a man (skates, christian, tattooed etc), it does NOT compensate for the way he made me feel - embarrassed, hurt, depressed and not beautiful, like there was something wrong with me. It is such a profound understanding for me, and this very truth is really healing me! I feel so much better. I don't cry and I don't get upset over it. It has been a tear filled, hard and heartbreaking journey but I am much stronger and wiser because of it, aswell as more grateful for my friends who have helped me recover. So just in case anyone of you becomes heartbroken, or is heartbroken, over a boy who you thought was everything you wanted, I want to remind you that nothing that he is can make up for your broken heart. You are truly worth someone who will actually treat you well.
Something that has also spoke to me was the recent death of a family friend. I first met him when we took a family trip to Vietnam and spent most of the time with him and his family. He was a quiet, good-natured man and he especially favoured my little sister, buying her gifts and looking out for her. He studied at University. It had been around 3 years since I last heard from him and his family until my mum told me that he died yesterday. He just graduated University and was riding on his motorbike when he got into an accident with a truck. His family is obviously upset- apart from his tragic death, they had spent so much money on giving him an education to only end up losing him. It is just so sad. It reminds me of how unfair and upside down life is. Just like that, everything can be taken away from you. My mum said to me, 'Life means nothing if you don't have God.'
Life is so short, gone like a whisper. I am grateful because this life is not my home. When I die, it is my birthday in eternal life, real life. As a human, it is one of my missions to give people who don't have that hope that same gift.
So, on a lighter note, I'm glad to be back on blogger because I love writing out my thoughts. I hope everyone had a nice long weekend!
Currently listening to: Alicia Keys - Try Sleep With A Broken Heart
As some of you know, I took on an oath to stay off entertainment and social networking sites (including blogspot) for a month, but here I am! It's been a week but I couldn't help myself. All is not lost however - I have been staying off alcohol, drugs and smoking and I havn't been on my other main sites Facebook and Tumblr. I just thought that staying off my blogspot was unnecessary - it is my way to let out my feelings and thoughts and hopefuly inspire people who read my blog while doing so. There is no other feeling like getting a comment from someone that enjoys or is touched by what I have to say.
So how have things been going? Well, I sent in my application for Ministry Training College and am waiting to hear from them in a couple weeks time. In the meantime, I have been spending time with friends and family, hanging out with my dog recently dubbed DJ (short for Doggie Jack), watching DVDS, catching up on sleep and most awesome of all, I have been spending time with God. Most days, I sit in silence and read His Word and learn more about his will for my life. I feel more stable and content. I think it has also helped my put perspective on my recent heartbreak.
I realised that just because the boy I had trouble over was everything I wanted in a man (skates, christian, tattooed etc), it does NOT compensate for the way he made me feel - embarrassed, hurt, depressed and not beautiful, like there was something wrong with me. It is such a profound understanding for me, and this very truth is really healing me! I feel so much better. I don't cry and I don't get upset over it. It has been a tear filled, hard and heartbreaking journey but I am much stronger and wiser because of it, aswell as more grateful for my friends who have helped me recover. So just in case anyone of you becomes heartbroken, or is heartbroken, over a boy who you thought was everything you wanted, I want to remind you that nothing that he is can make up for your broken heart. You are truly worth someone who will actually treat you well.
Something that has also spoke to me was the recent death of a family friend. I first met him when we took a family trip to Vietnam and spent most of the time with him and his family. He was a quiet, good-natured man and he especially favoured my little sister, buying her gifts and looking out for her. He studied at University. It had been around 3 years since I last heard from him and his family until my mum told me that he died yesterday. He just graduated University and was riding on his motorbike when he got into an accident with a truck. His family is obviously upset- apart from his tragic death, they had spent so much money on giving him an education to only end up losing him. It is just so sad. It reminds me of how unfair and upside down life is. Just like that, everything can be taken away from you. My mum said to me, 'Life means nothing if you don't have God.'
Life is so short, gone like a whisper. I am grateful because this life is not my home. When I die, it is my birthday in eternal life, real life. As a human, it is one of my missions to give people who don't have that hope that same gift.
So, on a lighter note, I'm glad to be back on blogger because I love writing out my thoughts. I hope everyone had a nice long weekend!
xox
Currently listening to: Alicia Keys - Try Sleep With A Broken Heart
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)