Lol.

Why are people so shit?

   Currently listening to: Crew Love - Drake feat. The Weeknd

An update.

After months and months of being in Auckland trying to find an apartment in Wellington, I spontaneously decided to go down instead with no money, no apartment, and the possibility of homelessness. I stayed with a friend of mine, and after one day I finally found an apartment! It is great because it is in the center of Wellington and it is quite cheap for what it is. My flatmates - two Brazilian guys - are really chilled out and clean, the latter of which I especially love. I think me finally getting an apartment is a blessing. I was so worried about money and if I couldn't afford one... bur when I prayed desperately God answered. My mum was so generous and helped me pay the bond, and the other night I got holiday pay from my old job which was a lot of money. I am so grateful. God is truly Jehovah Jireh. Now, time to save and start being careful with my money - one thing I am terrible at!

For some reason, being in a different city for University doesn't seem all that a big of deal to me. I love this city, and whenever I came down to visit in the past it was exciting, fun and adventurous. Now, it's kind of boring... dare I say. Maybe it's because I have to be more careful with my money, I don't have a lot of friends here and I am living here, not visiting. Also, because an old creep was following me for 45 minutes the other day and I had to tell security. 4th day here and that had to happen to me! I can't wait for University though, but I am also dreading it, hearing my friends talk about how hard it was for them in the beginning. I think I am just excited for something to do in this little town.

I think one thing I have learned about myself already is that sometimes, I can be too hard on myself. When I do little things that bother people or make them dislike me a bit - like when I spill milk, when I leave my alarm on for too long, when I don't understand instructions - I get quite depressed about it and need to cry. Especially if that person tells me off. I think it is an unbearable feeling to me - to be a burdan to someone - and I shut down when this happens. I can remember numerous instances where this has happened. I need to remind myself that it is okay and it is not the end of the world. That things like that happen to everyone. That I am not a burdan but a delight. That it doesn't matter what people think of me. That I am human. That we are human... it's a hard thing to remember sometimes.

Also, this:

Currently listening to: Bon Iver - Lump Sum

What we hold onto.

Sam: It's like in the great stories... The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think... I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam? 

Sam: That there's some good in this world... and it's worth fighting for.

The Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers

I love this quote. When everything in my life is falling apart like I never thought it would, when friends I thought were true tear me apart, when my parents have been abusive again, when work wants to fire me, when my money spirals down the drain... I am trying desperately to hold on to hope.

May I Be

May I become at all times, both now and forever

A protector for those without protection

A guide for those who have lost their way

A ship for those with oceans to cross

A bridge for those with rivers to cross

A sanctuary for those in danger

A lamp for those without light

A place of refuge for those who lack shelter

And a servant to all in need

Amen

Currently listening to: Bloc Party - Kreuzberg

"I've learnt that...."

"I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it.

I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.

I've learned that no matter how fast or how far you go, you can't outrun God.

I've learned that love is not for me to keep, but to pass on to the next person I see.

I've learned that even if you do the right thing for the wrong reason, it's still the wrong thing to do.

I’ve learned that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least."

Excerpts from my friend Wilson's blog. I think he's been blessed with an incredible wisdom and teaching.  

And another thing:

 

 Listen to: The Civil Wars - To Whom It May Concern (describes how I feel perfectly and beautifully!)

"And though I found my harbor, I set sail again, because that’s what ships were meant to do."

They take pictures of mountain climbers at the top of a mountain. They’re smiling, ecstatic, triumphant. They don’t take pictures along the way cause who wants to remember the rest of it? We push ourselves because we have to, not because we like it. The relentless climb, the pain and anguish of taking it to the next level. Nobody takes pictures of that. Nobody wants to remember. We just wanna remember the view from the top. The breathtaking moment at the edge of the world. That’s what keeps us climbing. And it’s worth the pain. That’s the crazy part. It’s worth anything.

Grey’s Anatomy

You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and god damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.

Elizabeth Taylor

Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.

Pema Chödröna

Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere.

Paulo Coehlo

There is some things success is not.
It’s not fame, it’s not money or power.
Success is waking up in the morning so excited
about what you have to do that you literally fly out the door,
it’s getting to work with people you love.
Success is connecting with the world and making people feel,
it’s finding a way to bind together people
who have nothing in common but a dream.
It’s falling asleep at night knowing you did the best job you could.
Success is joy and freedom and friendship, and success is love.

  Unknown

Some beautiful and encouraging quotes from the newly discovered tumblr http://onherway.tumblr.com.

At this moment in my life, I am angry. I realize that the way I have been treated, like I was disposable and replaceable, is simply not acceptable. I realize that if someone in my life is bringing me down, saying negative things to me or constantly letting me down all the time, they are not worth keeping. I think everyone's time and efforts are precious and should be used wisely, so why waste it on people who only seek to destroy it? Life is much too beautiful and short to let straight up douchebags ruin it!

God is working!

 I was so happy to read this article from the Washington Post about India creating more severe laws on sexual assault and trafficking after a gang rape of a young woman on a bus. I am passionate for women who are going through such hardships, and my heart breaks when I watch documentaries that include sex trafficking and prostitution. The documentaries I have watched and remembered on such topics were all shot on location in India, so to see this incredible, joyous article makes me so happy I would cry. God is truly working in such a dark place... After so much struggle and spiritual warfare in India, the light is finally conquering the country. I am humbled to know that so many women's lives will change because of these new laws, and so much justice will be done, and so many souls freed from slavery and sexual assault. Thank you Lord.

You can read the article by clicking here.

Currently listening to: Hillsong United - Beautiful Exchange

Jiro Dreams of Sushi

 "Always doing what you are told doesn't mean you'll succeed in life." - Jiro

I'll be honest, I love and appreciate sushi. And when a friend recommended this film to me, as well as seeing it featured in a liked food blog, I finally decided to watch this critically acclaimed documentary. I was blown away by how much love and passion this 85 year old Japanese man had for sushi, and his dedication to his work that surpasses 99% of the world's population. For real. His sushi is so impeccable that Michelina pretty much says, 'Fly to Japan, just to eat at his restaurant.' After watching this documentary, I was fired up to work harder, always see what I can do to improve myself more and be passionate about the career I want to work in. Stream it here:

http://viooz.eu/movies/10806-jiro-dreams-of-sushi-2011.html

And He said to me...

"I love you Jenny, more than anything else in the world. You are special to me, my darling princess. And I love you."

"Sometimes I wonder, why crying is much easier than letting you go."

Utterly beautiful.