I think working in retail is one of those things where you need a tough skin to survive, or else it will grow one for you. I am 2 and a half months into my new job and without sounding too whiny, I hated it almost immediately. If working the cash register isn't too mundane for me, there is also an endless stream of customers yelling and threatening me on the phone as well as complaining in person. I feel like I am being verbally abused because I don't know the answers to everything. It's similar to going to a supermarket and asking the cashier how a can of soup is made. And I hate that it's not okay to not know the answers to all the customer's questions. Even so, I have to keep apologetic, polite and happy even though sometimes I want to snap or cry. Aside from this, one of the other big problems at work is a certain colleague who puts me and all the other girls down constantly. I can think of many times when her and other colleagues would make a rude joke to me, sub-consciously calling me a slut or arrogant.
After another long day of dealing with unpleasant customers and colleagues, I came home today, and I just wanted to relax, but I was put down again by a flatmate. I like him. I think he's funny and easy-going. But what he said to me really hurt and made me feel incredibly unimportant and worth very little. I think about all I gave him this past week and it makes me feel angry that some people can be so mean and inconsiderate like that.
I miss Auckland. I miss the great friends that I love so much. Moving here has made me realize how lucky I am to have people like them. My friends are so rare to come by. You don't come across supportive, loving and funny people everyday, but I am blessed enough to have a handful of them that make me feel loved and special even from six hundred miles away. I found that the harsh difference between Aucklanders and Wellingtonions is that if an Aucklander doesn't like you, they will tell it right to your face and let you know they don't like you. A Wellingtonion on the other hand, will put on a sickening fake niceness toward you, but will go behind your back and talk a lot of crap about you as soon as you walk away. I feel like it's affecting me and sucking me in, and it's making me feel sick inside, like I'm rotting inwardly and losing nourishment. I wasn't raised to be someone who talks behind people's backs and I sure as heck wasn't raised to be rude and inconsiderate. I was raised to love people, and to love God, and I want to stand with all my strength by this, but I feel like I am losing.
I miss my family. I miss my strong and inspiring mum. I miss my little ray-of-sunshine sister. I miss my beautiful best friend Anja. I miss a lot of people, a lot of things.
I'm glad I am leaving my job and Wellington (but not permanently) soon, to spend time with my loved ones in Auckland and think about what to do with my life next. I have a whole year of possibilities, and while I am not sure about my plans just yet, I do know that I do not deserve to be treated like crap by people everyday and I do know that if someone or something is making you feel unimportant or sad, a key to happiness is simply walking away from those things.
