I'm losing sleep, I'm losing friends.

Last night I had a fitful sleep, but it was the longest sleep I had in a while. I dreamt of dead people, getting attacked by a strange creature and the end of the world. It seemed like I woke up every hour, fall asleep for what seemed like hours, then wake up again only to realise a mere few minutes had passed. This morning I woke up feverish. Sleep is such a disturbing thing for me these days.

Anyway, today I listened to some hardcore and it got me thinking as it always makes me do. Sometimes I'll go to shows or listen to a hardcore band that promotes negativity. They sing about anger and depression, it's always f this and f that. They think the world owes them something, but nothing was theirs to begin with. I understand this, yet I get into that mindset sometimes. I'll say, 'this was taken away from me' or 'I never had this or that, and I hate people who do.' Depression is such an easy, deadly thing to slip into. It's days like today I feel like I can't make it through life. I want to be comfortable in my own apathy, but the thing is that it's not so comfortable. Life is stuck on repeat. You go to University, you settle into a stable career, you marry and have kids and dedicate the rest of your life to your family, send them off to get disappointed with life, then work until you retire then die. You can aquire everything you want to acquire, but in the end you lose it all.

Today, life is meaningless and trivial, but I type this knowing life is also beautiful.

Currently listening to: Cruel Hand - Broken Glass