Emptiness

Currently listening to: The Ghost Inside - The Brave

Well I open my eyes
I can't see that family
I can't see that home

So I'll just keep them closed.

Have Heart - Hard Bark on the Family Tree

Another post about integrity.

'Guard my life...let me not be put to shame...May integrity...protect me...'

(Psalm 25:20-21 NIV)

"To protect themselves from the barbaric hordes from the north, the people of China built the Great Wall. It was so high nobody could climb over it and so thick nobody could break through it, so they settled back to enjoy life. During the first hundred years of the wall's existence, China was invaded three different times. Not once did the enemy try to break down the wall or climb over it; they simply bribed the gatekeeper and marched in. While those who built it were relying on their wall of stone, they neglected to teach integrity to their children. As a result they grew up without moral and spiritual principles to guide them.

Have you ever watched a big tree fall while others around it stood tall? How come the same storm that builds strength in one, topples another? You'll find the answer in the tree's core and roots. Getting the idea? When it comes to building integrity, here are some questions you should ask yourself regularly:

(1) Am I the same, no matter who I'm with?

(2) Am I willing to make decisions that are best for others, even though another choice would benefit me more?

(3) Can I be counted on to keep the commitments I've made to God, myself and others?

Can you say like the Psalmist, 'Judge me, O Lord; for I have walked in... integrity...'? (Psalm 26:1 KJV) Life is like a vice: at times it will squeeze you. In those moments whatever is inside will come out. Image-building and self-interest promise much but produce little, but integrity never disappoints. So, work on your integrity."

Word for Today

Currently listening to: LCD Soundsystem - New York I Love You

One of the things I despise is when boys swear at girls. Lately I've been losing respect for some people because they don't know how to talk to a woman (or her friends for that matter). We are too precious to be talked to like that and personally, I wouldn't want to be friends anyone who thinks it's okay. JMO.

Currently listening to: A Day To Remember - A Shot In The Dark

News

I have made a Tumblr seeing as I have a lot of pictures stored on my laptop but never get the chance to post them. I will continue to use this blog for personal posts, but if you want to see more of the photos I like, feel free to follow me!

breatherepeat.tumblr.com

Appreciation.

We think wonderful things about people but we don't tell them.

Listen to: Razorlight - America

I wish you knew just how much I miss you, and just how much I care, and just how scared I am to lose you.

Currently listening to: Beach House - Walk in the Park

Can't wait to get out of the country.

Listen to: The Hours - See The Light (Calvin Harris remix)

Bitterness and emptiness are a thing of the past.

I've found my shelter,
I have my home.

Listen to: The Devil Wears Prada - Outnumbered

Bitter and betrayed, broken but never disbanded, we gave it our all. I was jaded then, and maybe I still am, but will push on.

Missing but mended, some hearts never break.
The things inside us all, found only to be stronger than before.

Currently listening to: The Ghost Inside - Unspoken

You belong amoung the wildflowers

You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with a love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free

Tom Petty

Listen to: You Me At Six - Firework

'But the enemy knows his cause is ever in danger when a child of God "looks around upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys!"'

Word for Today

Listen to: Kings of Leon - Beach Side

Sex

This is a pretty bold subject for me to be talking about, but there are a few things I'd like to share on the matter after a talk with a good friend of mine about it. These are my thoughts.

Before our conversation, (I'll be straight up) I wasn't a really firm believer in sex before marriage. I think this is because alot of my friends have had it already and I saw them as perfectly fine, not screwed up or flawed from having sex before they were tied down. It may have also been because I was (and still am) a hormonal and rash teenager, a naive and inexperienced player in the game of love. I knew sex was important, but I didn't understand how important it really was.

Sex is good, yes. But sex is also sacred, and beautiful, and made for two people who truly are in love.

My friend told me about this conference she went to about marriage where a few men talked about sex. They basically said, having sex before marriage is just plain dumb. Not because it is going out of God's will, but because the reality is, some men will try flirt and be gentlemanly to woman to try get that from them. After they do, the woman is pretty much useless to them. It's stupid that a woman can so easily just give up her body like that, only to be used and tossed out, and maybe even hurt and scarred for life. It's dumb. I am not saying that all men are like that, or that this is always the case, but it is quite commonplace in our society today.
I remember a while back I found out two guys were trying to see who could get me in bed first, which is shaming to me. I didn't know this before, so I didn't realise their real motives behind their friendliness towards me. But if I gave into their momentary kindness, I know it would be something I would've regretted and hated about myself. To have any woman's body cheaply used is just sad. The body we were given is a temple.

A while back, I was reading a book about a man and Jesus talking to each other on a personal level. The topic of sex came up. And Jesus basically says to the man that he doesn't restrict sex because he doesn't want us to enjoy it, but because it is good. It is something to be enjoyed with someone who has made a committment to you. Like something valueble and precious, it should be used with great love and care. I think Jesus doesn't look down upon sex. He created it, and meant for it to be amazing and significant and spiritual. And he wants it to be used wisely because of that.

Scientifically, my friend also mentioned that it was proven that people who do not have sex before marriage are more likely to have better sex, and she goes on to say that this is because you don't have any other experiences to compare it to. Also, there is the consistency of having one partner to make love with, instead of having a whole history of good and bad experiences that could affect how you have sex with your partner...if that doesn't make sense, it really did in my head. I also read somewhere that when you have sex with someone, there is something in your body which links up with their body, creating a soul tie- something that cannot be removed, something permanent. Whether it's a random guy off a street, an ex-boyfriend or someone you now hate, if you had sex with them, you pretty much have connections with them forever.
This is so vague I know. I may be wrong, I may be misleading, but this is just my opinion from what I know.

Lately God has been repeating to me one word: Respect. I know I have done things I have regretted with boys, like kiss them without really knowing who they were, or allowed myself to be taken advantage of. It has really hit me recently that I don't deserve, and neither do you, such lousy treatment from boys (or girls). I am reminded of the chorus of the song by India Arie called Because I Am A Queen:

I'm not the average from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
but I learned to love myself unconditionally
because I am a queen.
I'm not the average from your video
my worth is not determined by the price of my clothes.

I can't stress enough how much you are worth it.
You are worth respect both verbally and physically from the opposite sex. You are worth someone who will chase you and love you for who you are first before sex, not because of it. You are worth more than a short skirt and a bottle of alcohol. You are worth respect from your very self. You are not determined by anything apart from what God says about you. And God says you are worth it.

Listen to: A Day To Remember - 2nd Sucks

I give up on trying to be something the world tells me to be, but I'm not. I should not be confined by what society wants me to be like, look like, speak like, act like and think like. What they say or think of me does not matter. I am a child in the hands of God, and He has the final say over my life. God, mould me to become more like you and less like them.

Currently listening to: City and Colour - Sensible Heart

I feel like I've waited a long time for a song like this. On repeat.

No matter what happens to me,
no matter how I feel
no matter what I have done
God has and always will be, faithful.

Currently listening to: The Morning Benders - Virgins

This is summer to me.

Currently listening to: Editors - Munich

Hold on, this will hurt more than anything has before.

Currently listening to: William Fitzsimmons - I Don't Feel It Anymore (George Raquet Remix)

Exams will be over soon and a whole year dedicated to wanderlust will begin. Can't wait!

Currently listening to: White Lies - Unfinished Business

He is stuck in my head.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Matthew 11:28-30

Currently listening to: The Weepies - Gotta Have You

It's just one of those days.

Currently listening to: Iggy Pop - The Passenger

It is well with my soul.

Great is His Faithfulness

I am the man who has seen affliction
under the rod of his wrath;
he has driven and brought me
into darkness without any light;
surely against me he turns his hand
again and again the whole day long.

He has made my flesh and my skin waste away;
he has broken my bones;
he has besieged and enveloped me
with bitterness and tribulation;
he has made me dwell in darkness
like the dead of long ago.

He has walled me about so that I cannot escape;
he has made my chains heavy;
though I call and cry for help,
he shuts out my prayer;
he has blocked my ways with blocks of stones;
he has made my paths crooked.

He is a bear lying in wait for me,
a lion in hiding;
he turned aside my steps and tore me to pieces;
he has made me desolate;
he bent his bow and set me
as a target for his arrow.

He drove into my kidneys
the arrows of his quiver;
I have become the laughingstock of all peoples,
the object of their taunts all day long.
He has filled me with bitterness;
he has sated me with wormwood.

He has made my teeth grind on gravel,
and made me cower in ashes;
my soul is bereft of peace;
I have forgotten what happiness is;
so I say, “My endurance has perished;
so has my hope from the Lord.”

Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
the wormwood and the gall!
My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.

Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him; let him put his mouth in the dust— there may yet be hope; let him give his cheek to the one who strikes, and let him be filled with insults.

For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.

To crush underfoot
all the prisoners of the earth,
to deny a man justice
in the presence of the Most High,
to subvert a man in his lawsuit,
the Lord does not approve.

Who has spoken and it came to pass,
unless the Lord has commanded it?
Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
that good and bad come?
Why should a living man complain,
a man, about the punishment of his sins?

Let us test and examine our ways,
and return to the Lord!
Let us lift up our hearts and hands
to God in heaven:
“We have transgressed and rebelled,
and you have not forgiven.

“You have wrapped yourself with anger and pursued us,
killing without pity;
you have wrapped yourself with a cloud
so that no prayer can pass through.
You have made us scum and garbage
among the peoples.

“All our enemies
open their mouths against us;
panic and pitfall have come upon us,
devastation and destruction;
my eyes flow with rivers of tears
because of the destruction of the daughter of my people.

“My eyes will flow without ceasing,
without respite,
until the Lord from heaven
looks down and sees;
my eyes cause me grief
at the fate of all the daughters of my city.

“I have been hunted like a bird
by those who were my enemies without cause;
they flung me alive into the pit
and cast stones on me;
water closed over my head;
I said, ‘I am lost.’

“I called on your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit; you heard my plea, ‘Do not close your ear to my cry for help!’ You came near when I called on you; you said, ‘Do not fear!’

“You have taken up my cause, O Lord;
you have redeemed my life.
You have seen the wrong done to me, O Lord;
judge my cause.
You have seen all their vengeance,
all their plots against me.

“You have heard their taunts, O Lord,
all their plots against me.
The lips and thoughts of my assailants
are against me all the day long.
Behold their sitting and their rising;
I am the object of their taunts.

“You will repay them, O Lord,
according to the work of their hands.
You will give them dullness of heart;
your curse will be on them.
You will pursue them in anger and destroy them
from under your heavens, O Lord.”

Lamentations 3

Currently listening to: Ascend the Hill - Oh, Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Sweep me away.

Any will do, thank you.

Currently listening to: Avalanche City - Love Don't Leave Me

Some favourite things of mine.

God, my little sister, sunsets and sunrises, wide fields of grass and trees, warm light, big blue skies, lakes and rivers, butterflies and birds, inside jokes, long and beautiful drives, tattoos, sitting underneath ancient trees in the sun, op-shop gems, journaling, picking daisies, sketching, worship, road trips with your feet on the dash, dust particles in the sunlight, film & lomography cameras, walking around barefoot in summer, God's voice, music, green tea frappachinos, dressing up, airports and airplanes, the sound of cicadas in summer, dancing, south african accents, being gossip free, making people smile, when someone or something expresses what my heart cannot, cute lingerie, naturally beautiful things, being warm, black stockings, sitting and reflecting on the beach, musicians, good hang times, cheese & red wine, laughter, vintage, shoes, loving and being loved, lying on soft green grass with a loved one, reading in bed, pretty-smelling perfumes, New York, special lookouts, photographs, the city, rain, travelling, french people, tea and coffee, long train rides, fairtrade chocolate, my best friend, feeling naturally beautiful, the passionate, long walks with the ipod, smiling, glorious creation, live gigs, long bike rides in the sun, cuddling in bed with a movie, contentment, the night sky, refreshing breezes, memorablia, sunshine, sleeping after a long day, skaters, tumblr browsing on a lazy day, trust, youth and freedom in the heart and the 70s.

"Freedom isn’t ‘out there’ - it is right within you. Freedom isn’t about travelling to exotic destinations or achieving a glamorous lifestyle, it is about freedom of thought and meaningfully choosing the life you want to live rather than blaming others for your misery. Freedom is about living life with passion and direction rather than duty and obligation."

The Myths of Life and Other Choices We Have

“Some people do not have to search, for they find their niche early in life and rest there seemingly contented and resigned. At times, I envy them but usually I do not understand them… And seldom do they understand me. I am one of those searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we completely content. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach; we are drawn to the ocean, taken by its power and unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests, mountains, deserts, hidden rivers, and lovely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as our laughter. We are ambitious only for life itself and for anything beautiful it can provide. Most of all, we want to love and be loved, to live in a relationship that will not impede our wanderings and prevent our search. We do not want to prove ourselves to others or compete for love. This passage is for wanderers, dreamers, and lovers who dare to ask of life everything which is good and beautiful.”

"If you can't be extreaordinary in your ordinary life, with your own neighbors, even the hairy-backed ones who take out their trash in their boxers, it's highly unlikely you'll amount to much- no matter what baby orphan you've kissed. So stop. Know the people on your path."

Relevant Magazine

“It’s never too late to have a fresh start on things. Maybe you’re going to finally quit drinking today. Or maybe you’ve decided to break up with that awful boyfriend of yours. Maybe you’re going to put down the blade or swear off drugs. Maybe you’ve just decided to put a positive twist on your darkened life. Whatever you decide to do - it’s never too late. Go back to the purest place in your heart and bring it back... Have faith in yourself.”

A Life of Love

"So why do I worry, why do I freak out, God knows what I need. You know what I need."

It feels like my efforts are not enough to keep up with this world.
Seeing my friends succeed and pass another stepping stone in their lives is exciting and wonderful to be a part of. They are reaching their long time goals, fulfilling their wildest dreams and living their lives the way they want to. So why is it that it is disheartning to me? I think it is because I feel like I'm not doing anything "successful" or amazing with my life at the moment. Just trying to finish school and study for the final exams. And maybe that's okay because I am quite young and I've got the rest of my life ahead of me. Or maybe it is because even though I try, I'm still gettting nowhere.

A little part inside of me wants to compete with people. It wants to strive to be the best at what I do, to be better than the rest of them. A little voice inside of me told me that I wasn't good enough. "Look where you are now, and look at them. You'll never catch up. You'll never be as good as they are." I felt a fear creep in, a fear I saw amoung my high school friends but never felt till now: what am I going to do with my life? And what is the purpose of this existance?

But my God told me something wonderful. Life is just not about all this competing. It's not about winners and losers. It's not about being the most smartest, most prettiest, most fashionable and on trend, most qualified and educated. It's not about going to the most prestigious course, how many friends and contacts you can accumalate, how many places you have travelled or the fame and money. It is surely not about trophys and awards, or recognition and popularity. Sure these things can be added to life, but they are not what life is about.

³⁶"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" ³⁷Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'³⁸This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' ⁴⁰All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22: 36-40

Life is about love. Loving God and loving people. I look at Jesus and I see that this is how we are supposed to walk. He didn't strive to be the best carpenter in the business, or the best preacher. He didn't live for money, fame, looks or anything that we are so caught up with today. He simply did what His Father put Him on the earth to do: ultimately, love.
To love people in a way that allows them to be free and bring them closer to their Creator. That they may be able to spread that love and advance the Kingdom of God.
To love God and get to know Him better. To fall more deeply in love with Him and continue to seek and thirst for Him. To allow Him to mould us like a Potter and his clay.

At the end of my life, I may not remember the accomplishments I have acheived, the places I have travelled, the money I gained, the fame I acquired, how many friends I had...but I want to have left in my place the legacy of love. I want the people who knew me to be marked with my testimony of how great and good and merciful God has been to me, that they may know His love too. And when I finally see my beautiful Maker, I want Him to say to me, 'Well done, good and faithful servant.'

Whatever God calls us to do, wherever he takes each person reading this, I feel we must hang on to this call to love above all.

"She who has beheld the face of God should never fear the face of man."

Currently listening to: Ascend The Hill - Wind of God

I don't do blog fashion posts, but I adore this online boutique store called Gary Pepper Vintage!

Soo beautiful. Hopefully I will get to wear one of her peices one day.

For more info/pictures, go to: http://garypeppervintage.blogspot.com/

I can't contain this joy.
There's no reason but every reason to say, You are the God of all creation. The maker of the small sparrows and the vast universe. You have given me this fully functional body, the breath in my lungs, this incredible life filled with the friends and family you saw I needed. Thank you for the sun, and this clean air, and the trees and the birds and the food and the clothes. Thank you that even though I can be sad about some things in my life, I still have You. Most of all, thank you for Your love. You are all I need. I praise you because You are good. All the time You are good. And You are mine forever. I love you Father.

Currently listening to: Ascend The Hill - Fall

God will be there for you

'...He leads me beside quiet waters.' Psalm 23:2 NIV

Philip Yancey says, 'Faith means believing in advance, what will only make sense in reverse.' If you fear the future, look back and see how God took care of you in the past. 'This I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness... The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him.' (Lamentations 3:21-25 NIV)
You say, 'I don't know what I'll do if my loved one dies.' You will - when the time comes. You say, 'I don't know how I'll pay these bills.' Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who provides, will be there - when the time comes. You say, 'I'm not qualified to handle this, there's too much I don't know.' Maybe you want to know everything too soon. God will give you wisdom - when the time comes. The key is to meet today's problems with today's strength, and leave tomorrow in God's hands.
During World War II, Arthur Sulzberger, publisher of The New York Times, found it hard to sleep or rid his mind of fear until he adopted these words from the hymn 'Lead, Kindly Light': 'I do not ask to see the distant scene; one step enough for me.' And God isn't going to let you see the distant scene either. No, He promises a lamp for your feet, not a crystal ball for your future. 'He leads me' and that's enough for today. And tomorrow? '...we will find grace to help us when we need it...' (Hebrews 4:16 NLT)

The Word for Today


God has been telling me lately to trust him with my day to day life, with my future, with my past. Sitting at the pier before the sunset together, He told me everything was going to be okay. And like a sheep drawing near to it's shepard, I will trust Him.

Currently listening to: Ascend The Hill - Spend It All

What we have in God is greater than whatever else we don't have.

Count your blessings.

And He awoke me with His gentle voice,

"Open your eyes, beautiful."

Isaiah 54

⁴ "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

⁵ For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.

⁶ The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected," says your God.

⁷ "For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.

⁸ In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,"
says the LORD your Redeemer.

⁹ "To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.

¹⁰ Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

¹¹ "O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will build you with stones of turquoise,
your foundations with sapphires.

¹² I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.

¹³ All your sons will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be your children's peace.

¹⁴ In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.

¹⁵ If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.

¹⁶ "See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to work havoc;

¹⁷ no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
and this is their vindication from me,"

declares the LORD.

This passage brings me peace. I feel like God is talking about His love for me, that even though I was desolate and unfruitful, He will restore and replinish me again.

re·store
–verb (used with object), -stored, -stor·ing.
1.to bring back into existence, use, or the like; reestablish: to restore order.
2.to bring back to a former, original, or normal condition, as a building, statue, or painting.
3.to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor.
4.to give back; make return or restitution of (anything taken away or lost).
5.to reproduce or reconstruct (an ancient building, extinct animal, etc.) in the original state.

A chapter of promise and love from my husband, my Creator.

'Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.'

(Psalm 51:10 NKJV)

Currently listening to: Death Cab for Cutie - Brothers on a Hotel Bed