The best gem I've heard in a long while.

Currently listening to: Lydia - I Woke Up Near The Sea

The deep & meaningful blog.

These past two weeks have been ones of conviction & trial.

At Xtend, I was convicted by God to take off the mask I was hiding my emotions and myself behind, to step into the light and to be more vulnerable toward people which is not an easy thing to do for me. All my life I felt like what I had to say wasn't worth hearing, and who I am isn't worth knowing and I still live out day to day. I'm so comfortable hiding behind this mask that dropping that mask at God's feet feels unnerving and almost regrettable. I am dragging out this comfort so I won't have to deal with the confrontation and vulnerability waiting ahead for me, but I know that by God's love I can so step out and I can so conquer this mountain. God is stronger. And the best thing is, he has already won the victory for me. How liberating is that!

I also went to Melbourne with a some friends to see a beautiful sister of mine Sinead. It has been lovely just hanging out and talking with her and the others, but I withdrew quite a lot during that time because I'm certainly not used to being around people for so long. My alone time is a very important part of my life and I draw most of my strength from that, so to constantly have people around me was quite a test of my reliance on God. I knew without him I would (and did) snap and withdraw, but with Him I felt like his love and patience and peace was living throughout me instead. It has taught me so much to draw from Him and not from myself which I am used to doing.

To come back to a broken home was something I felt fearful of, and it breaks me sometimes, but I am so grateful to live in such a beautiful paradise of a country. To call this place home, to be familiar with it, to breathe it in, simply makes me happy and content. Thinking about it, I'm thankful that I do not live in a broken home in a broken country which I am aware alot of people out there have to deal with.

All I can say at the end of these two uncomfortable but insightful weeks is: Thank you, Father!

Some photos from Melbourne:

& one from Xtend:

For more Xtend photos, click here.

Currently listening to: Elle Goulding - Starry Eyed

In The Refiner's Fire

'He will sit like a refiner of silver...' Malachi 3:3


Are you in the refiner's fire today? If you are, don't rebel or try to run away, just sit still and let the refiner do His work. The Bible says: 'He will sit like a refiner of silver, burning away the dross. He will purify [them], refining them like gold and silver, so that they may once again offer acceptable sacrifices to the Lord.' (Malachi 3:3). A woman once read this verse at a Bible Study and wanted to know how it related to her walk with God, so she made an appointment with a silversmith. Without mentioning anything other than general interest in the process, she sat and observed him work. She watched as he held the silver over the fire, explaining that in order to burn away every impurity he had to keep it in the middle where it was hottest. She asked him if he usually sat in front of the fire the entire time. 'Yes,' he replied, 'not only do I have to hold it, I must watch it. If I leave it there too long it will be destroyed.' After thinking about that for a while, she asked, 'How do you know when the process is complete?' Smiling, he replied, 'That's easy; I see my face reflected in it.' If you're in the refiner's fire today, remember:
a) He knows what He's doing, so trust him
b) He won't allow you to be destroyed by the circumstances, or take His eye off you
c) when the process is complete, you'll be more like Jesus and less like your old self.
Isn't that what you want? Isn't that what you prayed for?

The Word for Today

Currently listening to: Paramore - Misguided Ghosts

All I can be

I have had some thoughts running around my head lately, mainly about being yourself.

I think ever since I became a teen, I had this notion that to be cool was to do what everyone else was doing, which was drinking, swearing, doing drugs, dressing in the most coolest (sometimes sluttiest) clothes. Shameful I know. Sometimes I still get swept up in this whole teenage madness.
It's a damaging thing, to turn your back on what you truly know is right to fit in and look cool in other people's eyes. At the end of it all, we are all somewhat insecure and struggling to find real purpose and meaning in life. And I guess in the meantime, we fill the cracks with poison.

I'll be straight up, I do worry a lot about what other people think about me. I am a little insecure. I have major flaws. I am struggling to find myself every day. But should it be this hard, to be yourself? To let go?
I realise that I have to stop trying to be someone I think people will enjoy being around, I have to stop dressing to please, I have to stop trying to look like this or that. I have to learn, essentially, to be comfortable in being me. I got to repeat to myself that I'd rather be loved for who I am than be loved for someone I'm not.

It's okay if I am not like the next person you see, all cool without even trying.
It's okay if I don't have so much friends, in real life and on facebook.
It's okay if I have nothing to say.
It's okay if I am simply content in life, sleeping, enjoying the people around me, listening to music, photographing and discovering who God is. I actually don't need to ruin that with alcohol and regrets.
It's okay if I don't wear the most on trend clothes, or have the most nicest hair, or have the most toned body or skin.

I was surprised how easily I got jealous at other people's talents and life, particularly with photography. It got to the point where I had to re-evaluate why I am doing what I do. I love everything about pictures. And the reason why I take photography is because God has given me this love for it and from that stemed this desire to create something beautiful, time-surpassing and to show people how I see life from my point of view. If I compared myself to other people, I will become discouraged, but if I think myself better than other people, I will become big-headed, and neither is good. I have to learn to walk with God in our own pace. Popularity, money and fame has nothing to do with what I am doing and it never will.

Basically, everything I am, everything I do, should be fully used for God's glory.
Because He loves me so and looked at me deeply and said 'You are good.'
When I use my talents and when I am esentially me, how God created me to be, I am glorifying God. He can & will use that to bless others, too.
God made you and I for a wonderful reason & that is all we can fully, wholly, truly be. Let's love that.

Currently listening to: Angus & Julia Stone - Santa Monica Dream