At Xtend, I was convicted by God to take off the mask I was hiding my emotions and myself behind, to step into the light and to be more vulnerable toward people which is not an easy thing to do for me. All my life I felt like what I had to say wasn't worth hearing, and who I am isn't worth knowing and I still live out day to day. I'm so comfortable hiding behind this mask that dropping that mask at God's feet feels unnerving and almost regrettable. I am dragging out this comfort so I won't have to deal with the confrontation and vulnerability waiting ahead for me, but I know that by God's love I can so step out and I can so conquer this mountain. God is stronger. And the best thing is, he has already won the victory for me. How liberating is that!
I also went to Melbourne with a some friends to see a beautiful sister of mine Sinead. It has been lovely just hanging out and talking with her and the others, but I withdrew quite a lot during that time because I'm certainly not used to being around people for so long. My alone time is a very important part of my life and I draw most of my strength from that, so to constantly have people around me was quite a test of my reliance on God. I knew without him I would (and did) snap and withdraw, but with Him I felt like his love and patience and peace was living throughout me instead. It has taught me so much to draw from Him and not from myself which I am used to doing.
To come back to a broken home was something I felt fearful of, and it breaks me sometimes, but I am so grateful to live in such a beautiful paradise of a country. To call this place home, to be familiar with it, to breathe it in, simply makes me happy and content. Thinking about it, I'm thankful that I do not live in a broken home in a broken country which I am aware alot of people out there have to deal with.
All I can say at the end of these two uncomfortable but insightful weeks is: Thank you, Father!
Some photos from Melbourne:
& one from Xtend:
For more Xtend photos, click here.
Currently listening to: Elle Goulding - Starry Eyed
For more Xtend photos, click here.Currently listening to: Elle Goulding - Starry Eyed
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