I think ever since I became a teen, I had this notion that to be cool was to do what everyone else was doing, which was drinking, swearing, doing drugs, dressing in the most coolest (sometimes sluttiest) clothes. Shameful I know. Sometimes I still get swept up in this whole teenage madness.
It's a damaging thing, to turn your back on what you truly know is right to fit in and look cool in other people's eyes. At the end of it all, we are all somewhat insecure and struggling to find real purpose and meaning in life. And I guess in the meantime, we fill the cracks with poison.
I'll be straight up, I do worry a lot about what other people think about me. I am a little insecure. I have major flaws. I am struggling to find myself every day. But should it be this hard, to be yourself? To let go?
I realise that I have to stop trying to be someone I think people will enjoy being around, I have to stop dressing to please, I have to stop trying to look like this or that. I have to learn, essentially, to be comfortable in being me. I got to repeat to myself that I'd rather be loved for who I am than be loved for someone I'm not.
It's okay if I am not like the next person you see, all cool without even trying.
It's okay if I don't have so much friends, in real life and on facebook.
It's okay if I have nothing to say.
It's okay if I am simply content in life, sleeping, enjoying the people around me, listening to music, photographing and discovering who God is. I actually don't need to ruin that with alcohol and regrets.
It's okay if I don't wear the most on trend clothes, or have the most nicest hair, or have the most toned body or skin.
I was surprised how easily I got jealous at other people's talents and life, particularly with photography. It got to the point where I had to re-evaluate why I am doing what I do. I love everything about pictures. And the reason why I take photography is because God has given me this love for it and from that stemed this desire to create something beautiful, time-surpassing and to show people how I see life from my point of view. If I compared myself to other people, I will become discouraged, but if I think myself better than other people, I will become big-headed, and neither is good. I have to learn to walk with God in our own pace. Popularity, money and fame has nothing to do with what I am doing and it never will.
Basically, everything I am, everything I do, should be fully used for God's glory.
Because He loves me so and looked at me deeply and said 'You are good.'
When I use my talents and when I am esentially me, how God created me to be, I am glorifying God. He can & will use that to bless others, too.
God made you and I for a wonderful reason & that is all we can fully, wholly, truly be. Let's love that.
Currently listening to: Angus & Julia Stone - Santa Monica Dream
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