Friends?

Again, I can't get to sleep because I'm thinking and thrashing way too much.

Over this week, God has made me aware that who your friends are make up who you are. It is said that the top five people you hang out with are the people you will most likely become and I have seen it prove truthful constantly. I've been thinking about who I hang out with...who I want to hang out with...and who I need to cut out and hold onto in my life, and if I was honest with myself, the answers surprised me a lot.

The people I hang out with now I feel are going on a different path to me in life, and it isn't a road I want to travel on now or later. I do appreciate and love them as friends, but they are not people I ultimately want to become in life. Truth be told, only two people I currently hang out with now are people I want to be around in the long run.

I asked myself the question: If you could hang out with any five people in the world (knowing you would be more like them), dead or alive, who would they be? I actually couldn't make up my mind! Roughly, I thought: a photographer like Jason Nocito, a fashionista like Alexa Chung, my best friend, Jesus Christ...and then I crossed them all off again, apart from Jesus and my best friend of course.

Looking back on my life, some of the people I've made friends with I have regret being friends with at times, but they have somehow shaped my life for the good and for the bad. From those people that have come and gone in my life, I have learnt who I need to let go of and who I need to hold on to.

20 years from now, I want those people who I need in my life to stay in my life.
They are the friends who, when other people say, 'How are you?' say to me: 'How are you? How are you really? I want to know, I want to help, I want to listen.'
They are the friends who would never leave me when I really need them.
They are the friends who do not use me for something they want, but already value and appreciate me for who I am and what I can give.
They are the friends who would never force or pressure me into doing something I wouldn't want to do.
They are the friends who see me in their life for a whole lifetime.
They are the friends who respect my beliefs, values and ambitions.
They are the friends who don't shove advice in my face when I tell them a personal problem.
They are the friends who can laugh, talk and cry with me.
They are friends I ultimately admire and want to be like.

Even if those type of friends in my life add up to a total of two, I wouldn't trade those two for all the friends in the world.
Of course, I have other amazing people in my life whose company I enjoy and embrace, but in the end, whether we decide to keep contact or part ways, I know in my heart who will always be there for me no matter what the weather.

So, knowing that your top closest friends are the people you most likely will become: Who do you hang out with? Who do you want to hang out with? Who do you need to cut out of your life (or spend less time with) and who do you truly need to hold on to?

Currently listening to: Of Mice & Men - Second and Sebring

"Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love. But in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feel wonderful again."

Anon

Currently listening to: Sufjan Stevens - For The Widows In Paradise

Jason Nocito, you rule.

The real truth about love.

Tonite, I've been able to get back on to good grounds with God again thanks to a talk with the loveliest friend of mine. Amoungst other amazing things I have learnt tonite, I felt like I know what love is again and I felt it so clearly too. Or maybe it was just me.

Because my view of relationships between a man and a woman have been screwed up, I didn't have the desire in my heart to marry or to have kids and that sort of thing. I once thought that this was the normal in romantic relationships- the man has the dominant power, the woman serves him and has his children and that's it. I hated that the man had the control because I am all for woman power and I hated that all the woman did was serve and did what the man told her to do. Was this how a relationship in the world was supposed to be? A relationship based on what's normal in society, rules and obligations? I have found that the result of such 'love' is hurt, abuse, anger and disrespect, especially for women. This makes me very upset. Needless to say, my view of relationships sucked!

But then my friend told me something that changed that. A relationship between a man and a woman shouldn't be developed out of obligations and 'you have to do this' or 'I want you to do that.' It's supposed to be done out of a mutual love and respect for one another. For example, a woman may say to a man: 'I'm going to make you dinner not because I have to or because you told me to, but because I love you and I want to do this for you.' Or a man may say to a woman: 'I'm going to buy you this gift, not because you told me to or because you are hinting, but because I adore you, value you and love you.' Isn't that beautiful? Isn't that something you crave? To actually live in a relationship based on genuine love for each other, not simply rules, is to rare to find but so worth fighting for.

What if the messed up relationships and marriages we see around us is in fact, abnormal? What if a relationship based on pure love for each other is the norm? To me it makes perfect sense. Because God intended it that way ever since the creation of the world, but the way relationships are now have just gone way off track to how He planned it. We were made by, for and because of love. What else are we living for?

I have a little spark in my heart now to maybe one day find and settle down with a man who will treat me out of love and vice versa. It is very, very miniscule, but this new perspective of love has got me excited. Just keep it quiet okay :)

Isn't it fascinating that it also applies to our relationship with God? He has given us His love letter, the Bible, not to hold us down from living life, but because He wants us to have life overflowing with blessings, joy and peace! His commandments aren't to see us suffer and burdened, and they are definitely not said with thunder and lightning and wrath like some think. They are said out of love, because God IS love, so why would his words not be of love too? Out of this pure love He has given us His Word, and out of love we obey them. Not out of obligation or even fear I think, but out of a mutual love and respect: 'I choose to obey your commandments, not because I have to and your Word tells me to, but because I love you and I want to please you.'
I'm excited! I pray that this passion and this realisation will keep burning in my heart. Thank you Father for this love.