Another late night epiphany.

I'm just gonna say what I feel, call me irrational or ungrateful.

I'm sick of the worlds standards of what is beautiful and captivating.
I'm sick of feeling jealous and bitter over what I can't have now.
I'm sick of looking to useless things to fill my aching void.
I'm sick of how some boys treat girls...not like princesses, but like tramps.
I'm sick of how selfish and inconsiderate this world is.
I'm sick of me being that way too.
I'm sick of disappointments and lies.
I'm sick of money and the big mess we've tied ourselves in because of it.
I'm sick of my self-conciousness.
I'm sick of smiling when everything is a beg mess underneath it.
I'm sick of how the world cheapens beauty everyday, and girls seem to be falling for it.

I guess, right here, right now, I'm totally sick of this world we live in.
Today I just wanted to crawl in my bed and be invisible. Ever had those days?
And I know the right thing to do would be to not complain and be all talk, but to do something about it. I know I have to. I know in my heart that I want to.
And the action I have to take to combat this sickness isn't what I thought it would be at all.

It's not as easy as getting a haircut, buying a new outfit, trying to be a little more attractive, losing a little weight, thinking outer change will affect inner change. No, it's simply... looking towards God.
It's funny, because one of my new years resolutions was to believe, in it's very deepest meaning, in faith, hope and love. Being pessimistic isn't doing so. In fact, it's doubting the good God has put in this world. I know when I become angry at this world for the wrong reasons, I'm closing my heart and eyes to the beauty left in this world. But you know what? The wonderful thing is, every single day is a chance to start anew. Everyday is a chance to improve. No, every moment. God can forgive and wipe away your old self and present to you a new canvas to paint your life on, everyday, every moment. It's as simple as asking Him to help you become more like Him, think more like Him, act more like Him, speak more like Him.

I realised the other day that we become the people we surround ourselves with. Just look at everyone you know and their company, and you'll understand. So logically, if we consume ourselves in God all the time, and if He is the most beautiful, most radiant person of all, won't we slowly adopt the way He is too? Wouldn't that be wonderful?

I guess I'm re-learning this lesson again, if you have read my previous posts..that I should emerse myself less in this world and more in God. I always thought that I needed a physical change to become a new person, but I certainly didn't. I simply just needed more of God.