Last week, I found out that someone had hacked into my online bank account and scammed $900 into their account, or phantom account. Part of that money was my student loan, and one of my deans emailed me yesterday and asked me to give the money in this week which, if my bank doesn't sort out soon, won't be possible. I'm doing some phone calls tomorrow so hopefully the whole situation will be in control by then. If you are the praying type, it would be super appreciated if you pray for me and for the whole situation to work out. More so, for peace and a stronger trust in God.
I also found out today from a good friend of mine more about the guy from the previous blog post. Apparantly he's sleeping with another girl I know, and he lied about having a relation to me. My friend also admitted he never talks about me and only wanted to play around with me. Even though it hurt hearing all that, I know my friend has the best intentions at heart for me, and I really do appreciate her honesty... but all those sad and lonely nights I've had, all those affectionate thoughts I've had about him, all the hope I had that he wasn't like everyone told me he was and that I was different has spiraled down the drain and squeezed me dry. It sounds pathetic and typical of me to say so, but prior to hearing all this my self-esteem took a low when I realised that I wasn't as pretty as people made me out to be. Having my friends being chosen over me, or being second best - the uglier friend, is quite disheartening at times. I understand now why I've been played with and rejected so many times. I'm really not much at all, plus my confidence in myself is quite low.
This whirlwind of emotions - rejected, worthless, ugly, plain - mixed with the loss of a considerable sum of money for my study is getting me get so sad and blue. I feel like work is taking over my life, my faith is weak, my sleeping pattern has gone haywire again and I'm starting to smoke constantly. I feel and look sick, inside and out.
I just want to sleep and only wake up when it's ready to go home.
Currently listening to: Drake - Sooner Than Later
No comments:
Post a Comment