Life is good, anyway.

Since my last post, I have made a drastic change to my life and it has been slightly mortifying in consideration to my parents. I think about how hard my mum has worked to bring me here, for me to have a good life, but it seems like I am throwing it back in her face and being selfish. When I talked to her on the phone, I felt guilty lying to her. I think I am just going to keep it under wraps for now... I can't bear knowing how disappointed she will be since she has been so supportive of me.
I am talking about dropping out of University. It has been a decision I had to do since I was miserable there - the lectures, the people, the routine all made me feel depressed. However, the most important factor that pushed me to make this decision was that my heart didn't feel right while I was there. I feel as if it isn't the right time or this is not where I am supposed to be in in life right now. My mum has previously told me that I am the type of person who gives up easily, and I would not like to think this is the case, but what if it is? What if I am wrong? What if this is a scheme of the devil to get me off my track? What if he successfully depleted me of my motivation? I think I really need to talk to God about it. In fact, I realize how stupid I have been in not factoring Him in it at all.
It's surprising to me who has been supportive of me and who hasn't on hearing this news. For the most part, people seem to not like this idea. One of my flatmates argued with me, saying that everybody needs it and that it is invaluable. On the whole, he was saying that I was making a wrong decision. He asked me what I was going to do with my future and regardless if I needed it or not, I just had to go University. I didn't let it affect me during the ordeal, but afterward I admit I did feel upset. Luckily, my friends were there to cheer me up and reignite what I believed in, not what my flatmate did.
I believe University is not for everybody. I think that if it is making you miserable, then 3 or 4 years and thousands of dollars is likely to go down the drain. It sounds so cliche, but it's true - what is the point of doing something if you are not happy? Life is too short to be anything but. I believe that if University is essential in fulfilling a dream such as being a doctor or lawyer, then by all means it needs to be done. But, in other cases, you don't need a degree - just experience, intuition and hard work. For me, for my dream, I think that a degree is not necessary, helpful maybe. I think my experience is my best tool to fulfil my dreams.
I was talking to my best friend about this, and I definitely don't want to be biased and advocate not going to University because education is so valuable, but after a shock when I told her the news, she told me that a survey has shown that people who don't go to University end up being more successful than those who do. This is probably because those who don't go have a head start in life. University may be valueble, but so is time and what you do with it.

In the meantime, I am going to find a full time job and work to travel. It's slim pickings out there, but from my experience, I believe all it takes is patience. I have been saving National Geographic photos of travel to spur me to try harder and work harder. It has given me the motivation I needed. I would love to go to Brazil as I have heard and seen so many wonderful things about the country. I have also been brushing up on my Portuguese as well ;). I'm excited to go back to Auckland and see my home and room again, my sister, my mum, my friends. However, travel, even to Auckland, seems so far because I am so broke. My savings have been absolutely depleted and I'm not getting support from the government... it's funny that being hungry and broke was appealing to me when I had a full belly and had money haha. Now, it's not so exciting.
I think I need this year to think, to bide time until I know what I am actually going to do with my life.

In other minor news, I dyed my hair to dark brown from being blonde for a month (and loving it), I am reading 'Into the Wild' by Jon Krakauer (also loving it) and I am still biding the time of getting through a broken heart (not loving it).

Life is good, anyway.

 

Sometimes, all someone needs to hear is, 'Don't change. I love you just the way you are.'