Silence is violence.

I want to get it out of my system that I am a rotton human being. I am incredibly selfish. I am two-faced, irritable, dishonest, jealous and impatient. Everyday I am tested in circumstances to see if I will counter-attack these nasty qualities, and most of the time I fail. But I will continue to fight with the strength of God to resist my flesh. Pray for me that I can.

One of the bad things about always following your heart and not your head is that you are easily swayed by how you feel. Lately I have been feeling unmotivated and havn't been going course simply because I don't feel like it. At MTC, the staff actually care if you are absent or late from class which is not really a good thing for me in this case. I don't know why all of a sudden I don't want to go class. I think one of the reasons is because everyday you have to use a lot of heart and put a lot of thought into what you are being told and for me it's draining, mentally, spiritually and sometimes physically. I think it's just something I will have to get use to though. I hope I will find the motivation soon.

All pessimism aside, I got a student loan for MTC (and I'm dreading having to pay this back!) but I am so very thankful to God for coming through for me and providing in my time of need.
It's been 3 and a 1/2 weeks since I decided to not eat meat. I have tripped up a couple of times, but other than that it hasn't been difficult. If I didn't love seafood, I would have given it up already and become an ovo-lacto vegetarian, but it is too hard for me. I think seafood is incredible and there was never a passion in my heart against the killing of sea creatures for consumption (obviously I do not condone or eat such creatures like whale or dolphin who are killed cruelly for their meat and blubber). Who knows, maybe my mind will change in time!
I miss by best girlfriends Ling and Anja, who will be in other parts of the country for a long time.
I also met a boy this week, and he's incredibly lovely. I don't know if lovely can be said about a boy, but he is. I like that he's shy and keeps his head down and how he's one of those rare boys that actually asks about you. It's a really needed and nice change from all those egotistic, sex driven, insecure and angry little boys out there. A part of me wants to hit my head on the table and tell myself to not be so naive and stupid like I was with my previous fling, but another part of me is getting butterflies and smiling thinking about him. I havn't had those butterflies in a long, long time. Nostalgia.

Also, the band Verse is amazing.