:(

I am so disappointed in myself today for several reasons. Most of all, I'm disappointed in myself for leading a boy on when I was confused about how I felt about him. I led him to believe we had something going on, and now all of a sudden there is this huge burdan on my head which is making me so upset because I know he isn't the one God has in mind for me. I know he isn't going to be my husband. What's more, I know he doesn't know God. He is such a nice guy that was nothing but nice to me, yet I still flirted with him knowing well that what I was doing was wrong. I am now waiting anxiously for his reply. I hope I find the strength to tell him how stupid I was and to apologize for my disrespectful behaviour.

I can't believe how heavy this weight inside my heart is. Why so burdaning? Why do I feel so guilty and upset? I am leaving behind me a reputation with boys that is not good at all. With every boy that had interest in me or I them, something has gone wrong that ultimately left me as the bad person. Each one has left with me a negative memory or feeling that I inflicted upon myself.

Oh Lord, I can't believe I got myself into this situation again. I deserve every bad thing that is coming my way. I am angry at myself.