I still got something left to say.

I feel so sad and fucked up. What a horrible month it has been so far. Things getting stolen and broken, not having music, mean people badmouthing and making fun of me at work, messed up family issues, feeling particularly down about my body and skin, not knowing where God is, giving myself to a guy and getting nothing in return. The pain and loneliness of it all. It seems I ignore the people that adore me and love the ones who don't. As frustrating as it has been, I find comfort in this pain. I feel secure and safe in this darkness. It is my only company and I welcome it with limp and open arms.

I recently realized how lonely I am in the sense that I feel like no one really loves me. Every time I was abused, who was there to stand up for me? Who has told me that they don't care about my eczema and that I am beautiful just the way I am? I haven't found a boy and I have already accepted the fact that I may never find someone to call mine. I don't know who would love a messed up girl like me. I don't want to burden anyone with my past, present and future.

I don't need anyone. I can do this on my own, and I will die trying to do it on my own.

But God, I need you so much closer.